"Finding Happiness and Deepening Friendships: Embracing Rituals for Everyday Joy"

Perfect Days
Fawn: [00:00:00] Welcome back, everybody. Hello. One of our favorite shows, little secret for you guys. Oh, one of our family's favorite shows to watch is because we'd like to yell at the TV a lot when we watch movies and stuff. But one of our favorite shows is Family Feud. Oh goodness. And it's been years now to the point where when I became a yoga instructor, And I was teaching at that racist yoga school.
Yes, yes. Um, I would start the class by saying, I've got a good one for you today, folks. Because I would say that because that's what The 
MATT: host says, has the certain things that he says, and that's one of the things he says. He always says that, We got two good families 
Fawn: today. Right. I always, I love when Steve Harvey says we've got a good one for you today folks and I would use that as inspiration because all my yoga classes had a message basically [00:01:00] showing how these women were racist.
Oh dear. But I wasn't condemning, I was just like, You know like giving examples of how we can be better, but anyway, that's how I started my shows but we've got a good one for you today folks, but Instead of a good one. I want to say dare I say we've got a boring one for you today folks boring Okay, so Matt wants to talk about the specialness and the worthiness and the wonderfulness of routine Which is this Something I cannot stand.
I can't even let's 
MATT: spin that around for a second. Let's replace the word routine with the word ritual. 
Fawn: Okay, that's better. It is, isn't it 
MATT: though? But that's not what you said. But no, it's the same word. You go through, you perform your rituals every day. 
Fawn: I love that, then. Okay, we've got a good one for you today, folks.[00:02:00] 
MATT: Just by virtue of spinning it on one word. 
Fawn: Well, I mean, I hate routine. That's why I never follow a recipe. Right? So Yes, 
MATT: she never follows a recipe, folks. Oh my goodness. I really don't. This is really good. What did you do to it? I don't know. 
Fawn: Most of our Most No, I do know. I do know, but I just use my intuition, and I'm not going to follow a recipe.
Most of our home is, like, covered, wall to wall with beautiful cookbooks, right? But I just look at them like romance novels. I'm like, that's nice. I'm just going to do it this way, though. You know, like, I don't like measuring. I don't believe 
MATT: in measuring. And you should watch us trying to leave the library nowadays without at least seven cookbooks.
Fawn: Guys, I feel so bad. We have the best library and I'll always take all their new books. They're amazing. And then I'll, I'll keep them and keep renewing them. The other day I asked if the kids would renew them for me because I can't renew [00:03:00] them anymore and they just looked at me like, no. Mom. Anyway, so, you want to tell everyone how we came up with just this discussion topic?
MATT: Well, yeah, that's perfectly fine. So, I have things come across, fly across my desk all the time. Usually it's, yeah. British and usually it's very newsy, but every once in a while I get something that, while still British, isn't particularly newsy. But, um, yeah, there was, uh, the article was talking about how, during the pandemic, it was literally, they felt like they were at their happiest they had ever been because they had their rituals.
They had their daily routine. They had their, and now that, you know, we're out of, we're quote unquote out of the pandemic, that Things are, things are getting not as happy anymore. Like, they were literally happiest during the [00:04:00] pandemic, which is really kind of weird and uncomfortable to think 
Fawn: about. Well, it was the only time everyone was forced to sit still and not work and not be obliged to be going to events and, you know, being out there.
Like, people got to have the time to, um, Just be and relax or or rest or nap, you know things that we never have time for For example hanging out with family like just being there not having so many scheduled Stuff just being there simple, right? But yeah That's where the ritual of making bread came in for everyone to the point where I don't know how it was in other countries But there was no yeast like people weren't making yeast breads And there was no yeast, and also [00:05:00] no, in America, it was hard to find flour.
And then I'm like, oh well, it's good to be us, because, you know, we use, like, quinoa, we use, like, weird flours. Right. Because we're vegan and all that stuff, and, and then pretty soon everyone got hip to quinoa. Devils. And then we couldn't find anything, and we're like, okay, I guess we're not gonna do any bread.
Anyway, but yeah, it became our ritual and the, it's lovely, it's really good to slow down and be mindful of everything that you're doing. Slow it down and pay attention and whatever you're doing, do, do your very best.
MATT: Right. Absolutely. And, and this article then went further in to start talking about, there's, there's a new movie out, it's called Perfect Days, and it's about this guy who kind of lives the same day every day. It's 
Fawn: a Japanese movie, created by, was it created by Wim Wendors? Directed by. [00:06:00] Directed. 
MATT: Amazing. But it's about this guy who, it just goes around Tokyo and he cleans toilets, he cleans public toilets, that's his job, but his day is filled with 
Fawn: routine.
And it's, there's very little dialogue in the whole movie. 
MATT: But it's, his day is literally filled with routine and yet he has this incredible sense of peace throughout his days. It was great to watch. And the question is, is why? 
Fawn: Why do you think? Funny you should ask. Why do you think, Matt? Because the kids and I were like, rolling with laughter.
You 
MATT: guys were just ripping on this 
Fawn: poor movie. No, well, we were ripping on it because we're all germophobes. And like, in the first few minutes of the movie, he's picking up stuff from the The floor of the bathroom with his bare hands and we're like, Eww! Like, why isn't he using gloves? And 
MATT: then he was eating that white sandwich, white bread 
Fawn: sandwich.
They didn't show him ever washing his hands, [00:07:00] so we were freaking out. But he was so meticulous about everything he did. Like clean. You know? Anyway, so, we don't know what you were thinking. Well, 
MATT: and, and then they got into the fact that, I mean, it takes place, like, today, but the guy has an analog tape deck in his, in the van he goes around in.
So he 
Fawn: has tapes. Many, many, many tape decks. Like, all his music. No, he has, 
MATT: he has one tape deck, but he has like, he has like seven or so tapes. Right. Right. Right. And he listens to the same tapes. 
Fawn: Does anybody remember those and you had to rewind them by putting a pen in there? And like, rewinding it?
Unless your tape deck rewound it for you. 
MATT: Exactly. My tape decks always rewound for me. Thank you. Anyways, um, and he had 
Fawn: a But that was part of his ritual. He Yes. He rewound it by 
MATT: hand. That was part of his routine. Ritual. So you wanna say ritual, I'm gonna say routine now. Alright, alright. Anyways, and he has [00:08:00] like a, he has a cell phone, but it's a, it's a flip phone.
He doesn't have Wait, does 
Fawn: he have that? He does. Or did it, was that given to him because 
MATT: No, he has that. Okay, alright. And he has a point and shoot camera that takes 
Fawn: film. Film! He had to go to the film store. 
MATT: Part of one of his many routines is to go and get a roll of film developed. I think it was once a 
Fawn: month he went to have it 
MATT: processed.
Then he takes a look at all the pictures he's taken in black and white, and he tears up most of them. Because they're not what he saw. 
Fawn: Welcome to the world of photography. 
MATT: Yes, indeed. But he lives inside of this world of routine and he seems to be pretty gosh darn happy about it. Now, misfortune, blah, blah, blahs, do happen in the course of the movie but I think that serves only to illuminate The understanding that life is life and just because you live in this world of almost inherent fulfillment, that doesn't mean [00:09:00] into all lives a little rain must fall.
And, and that 
Fawn: is life. 
MATT: So it really got me thinking. , it's certainly a subject that I've bumped into a number of times, we live in a world where we are so beyond spoiled for choice. Like, we were interested in watching this movie, we got the movie.
 You're interested in Anything. There's, what is it? There's like 20 different, you know, blue jeans, for instance. There's like a thousand different blue jeans to get. 
Fawn: We literally have everything in our fingertips. Everything in our 
MATT: fingertips. Physically. Does that make us happy?
It should. The fact that I can walk into Starbucks and order 90, 000 different beverages off of their menu. That's the combination. It's like 90, 000 different beverages [00:10:00] between milks and syrups and different roasts of beans and So 
Fawn: basically we are we are living like royalty. Yes. We have everything that we want, as long as you have money.
That is true. Which was another question we were talking about yesterday in the family, like, Of course money makes you happy. Heck, yes it does. But you were saying no. I said 
MATT: no. Money does not make you happy. I said that money, having money releases, relieves you of a source of stress in your life. Which makes me happy.
But that does not equate to happiness. That's the trick, that's the danger, that's the everything. If you're inherently unhappy and you get a billion dollars, you're still inherently unhappy. 
Fawn: Well, inherently I am a happy person, but the stress of everything, going to the freaking doctor in America. Even when you have health insurance and you still end up [00:11:00] thousands of dollars in debt does not make me happy.
Right. Well, it increases your stress. So, yeah, there has been so much stress for us that, yeah, money is totally 
MATT: gonna make me happy. A reduction in stress does not equal happiness. But 
Fawn: I'm just saying, inertly or inside, I'm at my core happy. I am. 
MATT: And that's what everybody would say. Um, no. Yeah. As it turns out, everybody likes to say that.
Fawn: Really? Mm hmm. All right, Matt. What else have you got to say? 
MATT: Well, we're spoiled for choice. And the problem is, is, too much choice is not 
Fawn: a good thing. That's true. That's something I learned pretty quickly having kids. Like, if we did ever, ever go somewhere to eat, we'd Or like, to, like, an ice cream parlor that was [00:12:00] vegan.
We didn't tell the kids, Hey, do you want this? Do you want this? Do you want that? Or do you want this? Let me read you the whole menu. To make things happier, and, cause it stressed them out. Like, like, to choose from what, so many different flavors, right? We would say, do you want chocolate or strawberry?
Right. 
MATT: Right. And, and in point of fact, if, if I'm ever at a restaurant, I would say, do you want I order the first thing I see that I think I like and that's it. I don't look any further That's not 
Fawn: fair because you speed read 
MATT: I speed read and I pick I pick the best thing on the menu No, and that's just it.
I don't necessarily it's not about speed reading. It's about Taking a look at the headers, right? Because everything has heading and then being like, oh, yeah I think I want a rice dish and then zoom and then down the list of rice dishes until oh that one looks good Good, let me close my menu. I'm done 
Fawn: Now me I'm like, Oh, the poor [00:13:00] person that has to come help us at the table.
What? I'm done. They have to come back like eight times because I'm like, Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know. 
MATT: Now. Now, where I get hosed is like when I take a look at, you know, Oh, I can have half a sandwich and half a soup and here's my five choices of soups and here's my three choices. I'm hosed.
That's it. That's problematic for me. See, I 
Fawn: don't like half of anything. I want the whole thing. I don't want a half sandwich. If I want a sandwich, I want a whole sandwich. Wow. So, so, I just had a drink. Did you hear that? My throat.
It's either my stomach or my throat. Now you're gonna have to include that in. All my body parts want to speak. 
MATT: Yay! Anyways. No, and in point of fact, they actually determine, psychologists, like, they put out in two different, uh, two different samples, basically. Uh, in case one, they put out 24 jars of jam. And, uh, [00:14:00] They asked, they entreated people, they enticed people to come sample, and they got 60 percent of folks sampling, , you can buy at a discounted rate, anyone you want.
So they got 60 percent of people enticed, and only 3 percent of those people bought. 
Fawn: Yeah, because you go into analysis paralysis. 
MATT: Exactly. And when they put out six jams, they could only entice 40 percent of people. So less people to actually try, but 30%, 10 times more percent bought. 
Fawn: Isn't that boring though?
Because now you're saying, Hey kids, you can only have chocolate or strawberry. You don't get to experience cardamom or garlic, ice cream, you know, like something bizarre. Yeah, 
MATT: but then you go to wherever, you know, you go to the garlic festival. And you try garlic 
Fawn: ice cream. But then you have to wait ages for that, you know?[00:15:00] 
So this is where, like, for me the boring thing comes in. It is 
MATT: boring. You are absolutely right. But ultimately what happens when we have too many choices, like you said, it's analysis paralysis. Because we firmly believe that whatever choice we make we could have made a better choice. 
Fawn: True. True. Or, or we can say, you know what?
Today Our choices are amongst 150 million. We're just going to choose between chocolate and strawberry. However, I think next week we should concentrate on cardamom and maybe saffron also. So like, 
MATT: you're practically making a fist over there. So I'm just 
Fawn: saying, so, so you put it as your to do list. You know what I'm saying?
Like, this is what I'm going to experience. I'm not always going to stick to chocolate and strawberry. Today. Well, this is our choice like today. This is what what our focus is today This is our focus, [00:16:00] but tomorrow we're going to try Different things that I can kind of roll with. Yeah, I don't I don't like the don't give me any choice Oh, I'm 
MATT: not saying no choice whatsoever.
I'm saying we have too much. 
Fawn: You sound like Dare I say, isn't that communism? 
MATT: Or it could be Henry Ford you can have a Model T in any color as long as it's black 
Fawn: Wasn't Ford an anti semitic? Yes, he was. I don't think that's a good example for me. I know 
MATT: I know I was just making a stupid Anderson joke.
Okay. 
Fawn: Ha ha. 
MATT: Exactly. 
Fawn: Exactly. So what are we saying? What does this have to do with friendship? Well, 
MATT: there you go. It makes one of the aspects of friendship, honestly, and the deepening of friendship is You know, first of all, don't be spoiled for choice. You have a [00:17:00] friend, hopefully you have a friend. You have them.
You look at 
Fawn: them, no problem if you don't. This is what we're 
MATT: here for. This is one of, this is one of the reasons why we're here for sure. But when you do, , it's about shared rituals, shared language, shared experience. And intimacy is produced by habit, by doing the same stuff. So ritual, it's not about.
Oh my god, let's what are we gonna do today looking at the literally infinite number of choices 
Fawn: we have? Yeah, that's true in our family. What do you want? I ask you guys. What do you want? 
MATT: What do you want for 
Fawn: dinner? I don't know whatever and it's so funny because I saw something on instagram and the mother was like This is what i'm serving for dinner And she put on a plate these note cards that said one plate said whatever And the other one said, I don't know.
Here's your dinner. But, yeah, because we always end up like, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? [00:18:00] And that's what happens when you get together with friends, 
MATT: right? So it's about shared ritual. It's about, having a plan. It's like dating. Have a plan. Guys out there, have a plan.
Fawn: Or gals, or whatever. Have a 
MATT: plan when you go out on a date. I tell you. Anyone. Anyone. 
Fawn: Have a plan. People dating. 
MATT: People dating. Have a plan. One of you, one of y'all should have a plan. I 
Fawn: did like that you had a plan for our first date and all the dates after that. I didn't like the dates. Like, I'm like, are you kidding me?
Cause I'm, I, you guys. Don't ever play a game with me. I get I'm beyond competitive to the point. I'm just violent. I don't like it I don't like keeping score and so our first date Matt takes us miniature golfing Which I 
MATT: can't it's a staple of 1950s dating. Come on. I was I was like 
Fawn: mid century modern I was trying to hold it together and then he pulls out [00:19:00] his little Card for scorekeeping.
Oh, 
MATT: yeah She's looking at me next. Love is 
Fawn: winning. Let's go. What were you saying? No Ritual. Oh have a plan have a plan just have a plan but because you did have a plan It was still obviously a wonderful date I didn't enjoy the scorekeeping and me losing. I did not like that. 
MATT: But I also didn't spoil you for choice.
It 
Fawn: was nice, because it took the stress away. Exactly. And we, we ended up having fun, even though every time you put your little pencil to the paper. 
Yeah, 
MATT: that's me with three and you with eight. You still have 
Fawn: that, don't you? I do. Oh. 
MATT: Oh yeah. 
Fawn: Okay, um, okay, so that's a good point. Yes. Yeah, because I remember some years ago I was trying to make friends [00:20:00] in Colorado, which, I don't know, that was not where I belonged, where we belonged, honestly.
It was so hard. It was also the time in life, or the time period in history. It was just not okay. Right. Anyway, but, I remember meeting some people we hadn't met in person yet. And they're like, well, what do you like to do? I'm like, I like everything. They're like, well, do you like horses? I'm like, I love horses!
Because I'm thinking, I'm a vegan, I love all animals. She wanted to go horseback riding, but she was a serious, like, dressage, like, country club, , horse riding person. And I'm like, whoa, no, no. She's like, do you like hiking? I'm like, yeah, I love it. I love nature. Oh dear. Uh, no. 
MATT: No, you don't like nature.
Fawn: No, I love nature, but I, I'm terrified of it. I don't like to be in it. You, you 
MATT: like to look at it from a screen, from inside of 
Fawn: a screen door. I like to be with a bunch of people, so they can be in front of me when the bear or the lion comes. We, you guys, we went [00:21:00] on, We went, okay, so again, Colorado, we took a class with a park ranger.
This park ranger was badass. She was like, what, in her 60s 
MATT: or 70s? We learned the word 
Fawn: scat. We learned so much that day. But she was off the hook, as they say, or do they still say that? Off the chain? She was, she was a gangster of nature. She, so we're walking and I'm right behind her because, everybody else was very like, um, blase about it.
But I knew there were like, because, we lived in an area where we had mountain lions all the time, rattlesnakes, just scary stuff. So I'm like, I'm walking inches right behind her. So we're walking and she stops and then everyone starts talking. They're not paying attention. And And I'm watching her.
She takes off her backpack, takes out this massive thing and just plops it on the ground on the [00:22:00] trail. And I'm holding the kids hands. Our kids. And so we're, the three of us are just like, what is she doing? And then we saw what she dropped on the ground and we got scared. But we knew it was not real. But we still got scared like, what is she doing?
And And so here come the joggers and the hikers that chomp through the trail really fast, like it's no big deal. And they come within five inches of this thing and then Then they stop and they squeal and this happened several times and she's like you see it would have been too late for them So basically she had this it was a rubber rattlesnake.
It was a rubber. It was big you guys a rattlesnake It looked so real like it was totally real looking and I was inches away from it And I'm like I was that's why we were scared because it looked so real and every single person stopped too late She's like too late Too late. [00:23:00] They would have been bitten and that's also the day she taught us about out of the blue So you're at the continental divide it could happen anywhere But she told us where the term out of the blue comes from so we made it on the hike We like she gave us so many facts along the way I'm terrified with every minute learning more information for me to be terrified about nature Scared of nature.
Thank you. It was not helping You So we get to the top of the mountain or where you know, it was a mountain, right? We get to the top the tippy tippy top. Yes, and it's a clear day. It's very hot The sky is blue and I'm like, whoo, we made it. The kids are upset. They're tired They're hot and I'm like, let's just rest here.
Thank goodness Whoo safety because there was nothing around right or at the top and then she goes this is the perfect time To get hit by lightning. I'm like what? [00:24:00] So she told us, you see those clouds way over there? Now they're miles away. There's another mountain range that you could see because it's a clearer day.
And they had a few little clouds on top. She goes, this is the term out of the blue. This is where it comes from because lightning can reach us right here. So she was telling us what to do if there's a lightning strike. Don't run towards the trees because that's what people want to do is take cover. One of the most dangerous things you can do.
Don't do that. So you all have to separate. Do I remember right, Matt? She told us to get into like a frog position. Well, you have to squat and like, you have to squat on the ground and make sure that both feet are planted and you cover your head. Right. It's about circles. Again, but you have to get very low on the ground and you can't be near each other.
So everyone has to scatter, which again, goes. Against [00:25:00] everything my intuition would say like I just want to hug somebody and go, oh, I'm scared Anyway, I 
MATT: digress. Yeah, what does this have to do with rituals and 
Fawn: routines? I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. Go ahead
MATT: Well, honestly, I'm ready to put this guy in a little bow and okay, you know for me, it's it's about 
If you have too many choices, you're never gonna make the right one. So just make one And, try not to dwell on it because you're just gonna possibly disappoint yourself like, Oh, I should have gotten vanilla when you got chocolate or whatever it is. That's why 
Fawn: it's nice to share. It 
MATT: is nice to share, for sure.
But yeah, you can, you can, you can have a great deal more kind of happiness in general. If you definitely perform rituals and just clear your head and try and free yourself out of the whole fear of missing out and all the rest of it. 
Fawn: Okay, give some before we take off. Yes. [00:26:00] Give us some examples of rituals.
And why this movie struck you so much? Like, why? And what do you think his favorite day was in that movie? Because wasn't it that, wasn't that the title? 
MATT: Every day was his perfect, was his perfect day. It's called Perfect Days. Every day was perfect. I mean, he chose exactly how to spend every day. Which included cleaning toilets.
Right. But he chose how to spend every moment of every day. So, ritual. But he didn't second guess, and he didn't None of that 
Fawn: stuff. So it's the way you bathe is a ritual. Yes. The way you have your food is a ritual. The way you come in contact with other people is a ritual. Right. Everything.
Everything, anything can be a ritual. And you 
MATT: should, you should try to pick, and sometimes it's impossible, but you should always try and pick those rituals that make you 
Fawn: happy. Uh huh. Uh huh. And so [00:27:00] here, here, okay, so going back to the ugly word routine. Yes. If you don't treat it like a ritual, it becomes routine and ugly and boring.
If you say so. But if you put some special Attention on it, then it's a ritual. Matt just touched his nose and he pointed at me. So ding ding ding That 
MATT: was an excellent point. Thank you, babe. Thank 
Fawn: you. I came up with it all by myself. You did 
MATT: too challenge Excelsior 
Fawn: All right, guys, we're gonna take off. , but we're always here.
Please reach out to us. All right we Wish you Beautiful every days. Have a beautiful every day If you need us, you know how to get a hold of us, okay? 
MATT: Find your rituals. See you later. Be well.