Meetups and Coolers

Transcript - Meetups and Coolers
[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello everyone. Welcome back. Welcome to our friendly world. So Matt, how did it go last week?
[00:00:05] MATT: Oh my goodness
[00:00:07] Fawn: Back up. What are we talking about? 
[00:00:08] MATT: What are we talking about? So I made a promise Go to a, uh, meetup. com group and see how it went. Now it's a little challenging because like somebody like my dad, heavy into model railroading and when the model railroading people get together, Oh, it's challenging.
[00:00:29] It can be because they totally geek out on what they geek out on because I don't geek out on that. It's all very awkward and weird. So going to a computer group is kind of the same thing. I mean, you're built in like people who are interested in stuff that you're interested in. But I think to the outside observer, it could be challenging and or computers have gotten so fractured that, even though you're all speaking computerese, it can be very, very different.
[00:00:57] But, , I was a little early. There was somebody there. [00:01:00] It actually met up in a co working space, which is kind of an interesting thing. And I'm not sure, how viable necessarily it is going forward in the future, but it's a place you can go and you can get some work done. Printers, conference rooms, and all the rest of it.
[00:01:13] So we were in this space, it was kind of awkward because it's not made for socializing, it's made for working. But they had a couch, and there was somebody already there, and I got welcomed, and we talked for a bit, started late, standard. Farely, I guess, for this well attended.
[00:01:33] There was about, there was nine people including me. So it was enough that conversation didn't lag, but it wasn't too many that you didn't have an opportunity to get a sense of where everybody was at. 
[00:01:45] Fawn: Do you think it matters that it was a computer group? I mean, really, it's a meetup and we're talking about going somewhere that You're normally not going to, to meet people that you've never met before.
[00:01:57] So, what was it like? I know [00:02:00] what it was like before you went because you were like, Oh, how's it gonna be? Should I dress up? I'm gonna dress up. I'm gonna put my best foot forward. It's not a job thing. I just want to meet people, like minded, like hearted people. 
[00:02:11] MATT: Right. Yeah, definitely not job networking, but I also Okay, 
[00:02:16] Fawn: but my question is yes, how did you feel?
[00:02:19] We know how you felt before we talked about it on the show But how does it feel to finally get there? Were other people nervous? Were you nervous? Who said what? How do you approach people? Talk us through with what you went through. 
[00:02:32] MATT: I gotcha. So, approaching and getting there, first of all, I was wicked early.
[00:02:36] I dressed reasonably nicely for me, and if you know me, then you know it means something like I actually matched, because I don't necessarily match. And no holes. And I didn't have anything with holes in it, God bless me, cause it seems like all summer I've been running around with holey jeans.
[00:02:53] But anyways, so in that regard, I treated it like a very casual job interview. I was [00:03:00] 10 minutes early. I planned to be 15 minutes early, so it was good.
[00:03:04] Fawn: Do you feel that's important to do regardless? Like treat friendship meetups as potential job interviews? Well, I know what you're saying.
[00:03:14] MATT: I just didn't want to be the guy who gets they're all disheveled who just interrupts everything and and Tweaks makes makes everybody else feel uncomfortable. So you're it's about respect It's about respect and I wanted to get the lay of the land before you know anybody I half expected to hang out by the, by a locked door, frankly.
[00:03:37] Fawn: And why, why did you wanna get the lay of the land before everyone else?
[00:03:42] MATT: Because I wanna be comfortable, and that's how I'm comfortable. I wanted to, not to go about the best chair, but I wanted to go about a comfy chair. when I went to computer meetups in other places we've lived, it was like a business [00:04:00] meeting.
[00:04:00] It was like a seminar. So like, uncomfortable chairs, and hard to find a spot to sit, and maybe they ran out of materials to hand out. And as it turns out, the more I think about it, it's like, I remember going to something like a meetup in UCLA, and I remember doing it in. Yeah, in Colorado. So that's been my experience.
[00:04:21] It was run very efficiently, like a computer seminar. So like a business seminar. So again, that explains why I wanted to be together. I wanted to be early. I wanted to figure out if they were going to be serving treats. I wanted to make sure I got the best one, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Well, no, that's what I used to do.
[00:04:43] So, so yes. And actually it was very, very good because I'm. An interesting person, or so I believe anyways. But one of the ways is that kind of, kind of, [00:05:00] as soon as I have a thought, I want to, I want to act on it, which makes it difficult when you're talking about building something as a computer programmer and you're like, ah, uh, you just want to get started.
[00:05:11] And in this case, as soon as I had the thought of, I wanted to check out this coworking space, that's it. I just stood up and I checked it out. I was talking to a guy. I was like, Hey, can you hold on for like two minutes? Three minutes. I just want to check out the space. So I did.
[00:05:21] No questions. Okay. Anyways, so 15 minutes early, spent a little time checking out the space. People started to show up. I was greeting people because I try and be a good host anywhere I am. Little did I know everybody there already knew everybody who was going. I was like the new kid. Which was kind of funny.
[00:05:46] So I'm greeting people like, Hey, hello, welcome, and all the rest of it. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even sign up, I just show up. Which was kind of funny. Uh, anyways, so there was about nine people there. To be fair, [00:06:00] counting through and looking things over, cause of course I took notes, cause nine new names, not gonna happen.
[00:06:05] Four to six of them were actually looking for a new gig.
[00:06:08] Everybody was super happy to be there and everybody was super interested in Everyone's experiences. We went around, everybody introduced themselves, which is something I don't think that they normally did. 
[00:06:19] Fawn: So how did you find out that they all knew one another? 
[00:06:22] MATT: It, it slowly but surely came out. 
[00:06:24] Over the course.
[00:06:25] Fawn: Okay, so you were the new guy.
[00:06:27] MATT: I was the new guy and It's almost embarrassing to say but yeah, they, they treated me very, very well. Everybody was very, seemed at least, very interested in everything I had to say and throwing down my experiences because again, Four to six of them were looking for maybe their next thing and trying to figure out it.
[00:06:47] Computers is, it's a constant kind of navigation of trying to figure out where you are, which that uncertainty and that, that level of change, I think, A, keeps you limber, but B, it also keeps you open [00:07:00] to others. 
[00:07:01] Fawn: It's also in everything at the moment. I feel like every industry, everything is up in the air and changing, breaking down, completely shifting.
[00:07:11] So you can say that about everything right now. You can. You absolutely can. But you've always said that about computers. 
[00:07:15] MATT: Computers kind of lead the way and computers are super fast. 
[00:07:19] Fawn: So you guys are like, um, you know when you tell me, oh this movie was actually a book and all this stuff was a sci fi author who called all this that we're like exploring now it was all the sci fi authors?
[00:07:33] Yes. So you guys are kind of like the sci fi authors of society. It seems to me just being with you for so long now that you always forecast things that are happening with the background of computers. You know, now we're talking a couple decades, at least. Right. That you and I have known each other.
[00:07:55] MATT: Right. Logical extensions. Yes. 
[00:07:59] Fawn: So, [00:08:00] how long was it, the whole thing?
[00:08:01] MATT: It was three hours, and it didn't lag. 
[00:08:03] Fawn: It's a long time.
[00:08:04] It didn't lag, though. What did you guys talk about? 
[00:08:07] MATT: We talked about computer, silly computer stuff. But like everybody talked about what they do. It was pretty sweet too because, okay, everybody has a weird story.
[00:08:16] So I suggested to the group that everybody say something weird about them. Weird being magical as well as perhaps strange. 
[00:08:24] Fawn: Did you tell them about the magical meaning of weird? 
[00:08:26] MATT: No, I did not. I tried to keep it clinical, digital, and hard because that's where computer people like to live. As soon as you start getting.
[00:08:36] Outside of that, and there are actually famous computerists who do, like Jaron Lanier, but that's another story. People start to feel very uncomfortable. People are comfortable when they can directly manipulate. People don't like hearing about synchronicities and things like that. 
[00:08:51] Fawn: They don't? 
[00:08:52] MATT: Not computer people.
[00:08:53] Fawn: Really? Why? 
[00:08:54] MATT: Yeah, believe it or not. 
[00:08:55] Fawn: Why not? 
[00:08:55] MATT: I don't know. I think it's because if the synchronicity is [00:09:00] good, Then we want to believe it's because we're skilled? 
[00:09:03] Fawn: That you created it?
[00:09:04] MATT: Yeah. 
[00:09:05] Fawn: Wow. 
[00:09:06] MATT: Yeah, and that may be the human condition. Wow. Yeah, I know. Do you think that's purely a computer programmer trait?
[00:09:14] No, I don't. I really don't, but I think it's especially prevalent here.
[00:09:19] Fawn: Is it a logical trait?
[00:09:20] MATT: It might be. 
[00:09:21] Like, you're just logical people. Yeah, well, you have to be to be a computer programmer, so. You do? You do. I was, oh my god, I was reading this other book, whoosh, off into tangent land about navigating the law and stuff.
[00:09:35] And I was like, if this was a computer program, you could just feed it to a compiler and it would tell you the truth. We create, we have to follow. rules. We don't get to arbitrarily decide which rules to follow, which rules to not follow on many levels. So we're, it's very, it's almost straightjacketing. Wow.
[00:09:54] And you have to find the creative inside of that, but it is straightjacketing. So there are very hard and fast [00:10:00] rules. 
[00:10:00] Fawn: So question, when you were there, were there cliques? I mean, it's only nine people, but there were cliques. There were, there are always cliques. How did you navigate around cliques and being on the outside?
[00:10:14] I ignored them. I'll be honest. 
[00:10:17] We had a
[00:10:18] But did you talk to everyone then? 
[00:10:19] MATT: I tried to. There was one guy There's one No. I did talk to him. I talked to everybody. Look at me, but there was a there was an older click a younger click a I want to break in to get my first gig Click there was a front end click 
[00:10:35] Fawn: and you just recognize that by scanning the room? 
[00:10:38] MATT: Not by scanning the room But when people started talking you pick stuff up quickly I mean certainly you figure out the elder click pretty quickly, 
[00:10:45] but 
[00:10:45] Fawn: what sentences started conversations like how did people start conversations?
[00:10:51] Is it the normal, hi, what do you do? Which I hate by the way. 
[00:10:55] MATT: We were all sitting in a great big circle, honestly. And when people came in, [00:11:00] they would introduce themselves and tell us, , the who's, where's, and what's. And then people would ask questions, mostly me, frankly, because God help me, I'm curious about everything.
[00:11:10] It was, it was very, they already knew each other. And, and they knew each other. People know each other, but people are afraid to ask questions. I'll be honest. And I'm kind of at this stage, phase, whatever you want to call it, where I, my boyish curiosity overwhelms me all the time. And I think it's a healthy trait.
[00:11:32] And it's one that I've really sought to, emphasize and grow. So I wasn't afraid. And so that's why I found out that person a speaks five different languages and that that's nothing, um, his sister works at the UN as a translator. It's like, Whoa, trip out. Want to really want to talk to him, but that's a whole other story and found out God, everybody's Pythonic.[00:12:00] 
[00:12:00] There was a guy who whose parents raised him. They were actually both deaf, congenitally. And, you know, then it's like, that's somebody who really thinks a lot about, disabilities and ADA stuff. 
[00:12:14] Fawn: How did the whole thing wind down? How do you know when something's over? Aside from, I mean, I, I'm only asking that because I don't want to wait until everyone reaches that level
[00:12:25] low energy points. So did it do that or did you how did it end? How do you close a get together like that? 
[00:12:32] We were you think that's successful instead of like ho hum 
[00:12:36] MATT: We were still spinning honestly, and it got to be two o'clock and everybody's like it's two o'clock and Honestly, you're gonna love this one.
[00:12:47] I just got up and left, which is bizarre. Right? But that's where my headspace was at. I said, this was awesome. Thank you. And I left.
[00:12:54] Fawn: Oh, so you did say this was awesome. Thank you. You didn't just leave.
[00:12:57] MATT: But I was I was the first out the door.[00:13:00] 
[00:13:00] Fawn: I think it's actually good to not wait for things to come to a lull.
[00:13:07] Because you want more, right? Right. So you want to leave it on a good high note? Exactly. Much like how we watch TV shows, right? You want to leave it on a high note. So you're like, oh, what happens next? I want to see these people again. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, cliffhanger. Yes. Yeah, cliffhangers in a way.
[00:13:26] MATT: And I also wanted to give them the opportunity now with me leaving that, you know, if they had anything like These people could have known each other for years and years and years for all I know, I just don't know. Uh, but that would give them a chance to say, Wow, what an idiot, or whatever else they wanted to say about me.
[00:13:43] And get that off their chest. 
[00:13:44] Fawn: So you gave them a chance to talk behind your back if they wanted to? Really? 
[00:13:48] MATT: Yeah, sure, why not? Okay. Also, I had to get home because we had to deliver food to somebody or something. 
[00:13:55] Fawn: Alright, so, here's the question. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. [00:14:00] And I'm not saying there were any of these there, but I've been thinking a lot about, this week I've been thinking a lot about, and I didn't know there was a term for it, the cooler.
[00:14:13] I'm not going to ask if you saw any coolers there, but um, I didn't know what it was. I heard someone say it, but I thought I misheard it, so, but I got the gist of it. The gist of it was, for me, what I got was. If you're on, for example, if you're on a high note, if you're super positive or super lucky, whatever you want to call it, high vibration, if you're around someone who's the opposite, it sucks the vibration, it like lowers your vibration.
[00:14:44] Right. And I was telling you about this and you said, Oh yeah, like the cooler. I'm like, Oh, that's what the guy said, the cooler. But I thought I misunderstood. Cause I thought. Maybe he was talking about a water cooler for some reason, maybe I spaced out when I was listening to this guy, [00:15:00] like maybe I spaced out because he had a water cooler story or something like that.
[00:15:04] I didn't know that they were called coolers, but what this guy was saying was, it is legit real at casinos. They hire coolers, they have coolers. Can you explain what that is? 
[00:15:16] MATT: Well, I think you already expressed it, but it's someone who they believe is so patently unlucky that just exposing a high roller or somebody who's doing well to them.
[00:15:29] Like just being in their vicinity. Just being in their vicinity will cause them bad luck. Well, if you think about it, visualization, we've talked about a number of times. And what you focus on grows, and all kinds of things, right? 
[00:15:43] Fawn: Yeah, but this is not something you're aware of. Someone can just come stand near you.
[00:15:47] Right. And it lowers your -But this is what I go through at the grocery store. All of a sudden I'm like, I gotta go home. 
[00:15:54] Right. 
[00:15:56] MATT: Some people's aura is such [00:16:00] that it can overwhelm someone who's not prepared for it, and someone who's not ready for it. It's like, you can be on such a high, right? Like, Oh my God, I just dot, dot, dotted, right?
[00:16:13] Whatever that thing is. Business meeting is a classic example. We just released a brand new version of the code. And then they say, does it do this? And you're like. You have to think about it for a minute. So now your ki is cut. Now your energy is cut. And if you have to say no, then you feel bad. Now the person who came in who asked that question might be going for smartest man in the room.
[00:16:37] They might be doing any number of different kind of poses. They could be your boss or it could just be a random person , , but it cuts your key and it brings you down. So we've all seen our energy just collapse Based on somebody saying two things, right? 
[00:16:53] Fawn: Or not even saying it sometimes the silence, sometimes yes, you can sense it.
[00:16:58] It doesn't matter. There [00:17:00] needs to be no words, right? Or anything you can, you feel it? 
[00:17:03] MATT: Yeah. Across the room. If somebody looks at you like, oh dude, what did you do? 
[00:17:08] Fawn: Or not even a look, just being just a, sometimes a feeling of it. For me, 
[00:17:13] MATT: usually it takes a little bit more than just being there. 'cause I'll tend.
[00:17:17] I register as a person there, but I don't register anything about, I try hard not to register things about people because reading people is tiring and, one thing I've learned from you, Ms. Empathy, is, I don't want to accept whatever it is they have. 
[00:17:34] Fawn: Right. I think with me, my feelers are always out.
[00:17:37] Mm hmm. So then my emotional tentacles are out feeling for everything. That's how I, like, it's interesting, I'm a photographer because I don't notice details, but I feel them. Mm hmm. So I think once my, if I can call them tentacles, reach out and they feel someone, purely feeling, not even looking at, Right.
[00:17:57] then I'm immediately affected. [00:18:00] And I, I wish I was different. I, you know, it's, it's horrible for me. I don't like it. But it makes me think, you asked me today, well do you have any cooler friends? And I couldn't really answer that question, but I will tell you this, that now I'm understanding, aside from the loneliness epidemic, let's leave that out of it, but I'm understanding why there is a need, I'll speak for myself, but like, you all listening out there, how do you feel about what I'm about to say?
[00:18:28] But, there is, understandably.
[00:18:33] Such a, uh, very good thing about not being around a lot of people sometimes. Yes. You go through a season or, or two or three of not having friends maybe even. Or you do have friends but they're on the, you know, they're, you're not hanging out with them having brunch every day. Right, they're traveling, they're busy, kids just started school, whatever it is.
[00:18:54] You're in contact but it doesn't mean that you live in the same area. Mm hmm. Or that, you're in [00:19:00] person. Right. Right. But you're still, with your own thoughts, you're gathering yourself. I used to also understand that in terms of creativity. I would go through moments, not moments, I mean moments, yes, but like periods of time where I didn't produce any concrete creative anything.
[00:19:20] I didn't take any pictures, I wasn't painting, nothing. But it was the most critical creative time of my life because all the work was being done inside me that the act of actually taking a photograph or writing something or painting something was just a, a normal response that came out of it. The most important part was being creative on the inside.
[00:19:44] Right? So I think same thing with friendships and maybe being alone for a while, it serves a purpose for you to gather yourself, to gather your, like, your, not, I want to say walls, but I don't mean walls like [00:20:00] that. I mean, if you are a cell and you're strengthening your core, you're strengthening you, As a being, so that you're not bouncing around, that you're not pierced so easily by, by a cooler, as an example, correct?
[00:20:16] MATT: I can, I can absolutely see that, yeah. 
[00:20:18] Fawn: You're stronger, you're more resilient, you know who you are, and It's easier for you to make friends at that point because you don't need to have dialogue. You don't need to make sense out of everything. You've thought it through, you've felt it through, and you know who you are.
[00:20:36] You understand. You have a certain understanding about things. And it goes through waves. Then you have to go back inside in a cave, in a way, and to regain that. But that way you can be, You could have a defense mechanism, if you will. against the cooler. 
[00:20:55] MATT: Right, right. Scientists have noted zeitgeist [00:21:00] is, is the wisdom of crowds and zeitgeist starts with one person feeling a certain way and then it spreads and it grows and depending on the power of the message.
[00:21:09] So I can, I can totally see how you need to sometimes dip back to your own personal well, get your strength so you can, you know, saying that you have to do something like that to deal with friends. It's just, if you have a friend who's way more successful than you, sometimes that that can get you sometimes
[00:21:29] um, what is it? You know, if you have a friend who's always desperately looking at you for advice or guidance, again, this can, this can weigh even though you enjoy their company. So sometimes, yes, you do. And another thing I'm reminded of, as far as, Coolers is, they always say you should surround yourself with successful people if you're going to be an entrepreneur, if you're going to be anything, it feels like, which is kind of the anti cooler message.
[00:21:56] Fawn: And I think it's firstly, the most important thing is [00:22:00] to surround yourself with yourself. Yes. Which is what I was trying to say is, like, be strong. And to be strong, sometimes you do need to be alone. I mean, for me, that's my way. I need to go in to gather my energy. I don't know how other people do it, but that's my way.
[00:22:17] So, even though here we are talking about the art of friendship, and it's really important to, develop community, developing the village again, right? Right. Through the art of friendship, I think it's important to note that it's okay. It's really important, actually, to have space by yourself for a while.
[00:22:34] And it could be just like for a few hours a day. It doesn't have to be forever. And also, I've noticed, let me know what you think, Matt, but like, as a couple, uh, as partners, you and I are never on the same page with that. And I mean that when I'm really outgoing, you're introverted. And when I'm introverted, you're out there talking to people.
[00:22:58] I mean, the past two years, I've been [00:23:00] very quiet and you've been a social butterfly. I'm knocking on wood. I like that. I like that. Right now. You know?
[00:23:07] MATT: I'm certainly more of a social butterfly, it feels like, than you. 
[00:23:10] Fawn: I'm glad. I'm glad. In a way, it takes the pressure off as a team. You know what I'm saying? I do.
[00:23:16] For me to always have, you know. I've been the one like going out and making friends or like inviting all of a sudden some strangers over to our house and like whooping it up, you know, like, you know, like really being open out there. For the past bit I've been, you've probably noticed listening, I feel like how I become more negative, I say negative, but like, I'm like, I don't know, I'm understanding not being friends, that's okay.
[00:23:42] You know what I'm saying? We've kind of switched. And it's not for, it's not for ever. It's not a, it's not a forever thing. Nothing's a forever thing, But it's um, it's a seasonal thing. It's a wave, right? Right. It goes up and down. It goes in and out. And right now, I'm like, totally [00:24:00] content just being quiet.
[00:24:01] And also another thing is like, going back to heartache, I'm like, I'm the kind of person that's afraid to have pets because to worry about one other being out there that could get sick or needs my attention and I can't do it. I can't do it. And if, if a pet dies, I can't handle it. I'm always worried, so worried about everything and everyone that I can't handle it.
[00:24:28] And so, I understand not wanting to have more friends. Mm hmm. Because we all need each other and we all go through hardship. Mm hmm. And when we do go through hardship, we need each other. And can I all of a sudden drop everything and go help someone, be there physically, I don't know, financially I can't, geographically, financially, all this.
[00:24:55] It's like we're all spread out around the world. It's like you, [00:25:00] you really need money for that. You need money and time. And do we have it? And that's another thing I've always talked about with the Art of Friendship is like, those are the things that we don't have that much of, most, mostly. Right. As a population, and that's another contributing factor to
[00:25:18] what's happening.
[00:25:20] So I'm thinking I don't know. I'm just thinking like those people who say I don't need to have any more friends I'm not saying that about myself. I'm just saying I'm understanding. I'm having empathy for that that way of thinking but looking at it. You don't necessarily have to jump on a plane and be there physically. You can do it With a phone call but again, it requires money because I was just gonna say when our friends are sick We send them groceries, even though they're like thousands of miles away.
[00:25:51] We can access their local grocery and they can Figure out a way to have things delivered to them from that store right to their doorstep [00:26:00] You know, so we'll do that. But again, it requires money. So how can we be here's a question for us all to ponder? How can we be there for one another and if you have any answers, please if you would email us Let me know what you think.
[00:26:15] How can we be there for one another when there is 
[00:26:18] the whole money situation and geograph, geog, geograph situation, geography situation, distance. Right. How can we be there for one another? That's a big one. Do you have any idea?
[00:26:32] MATT: I think the answer, much like people in general, is always going to be, it depends. And so, in some cases, it's enough to, for a while there, it was enough just to have Steeny call. For a while there it was enough for and I want to say to say for a while I mean like it is enough period end of story with some people with others.
[00:26:58] It's different I have a different friend [00:27:00] in Seattle. We reminisce. We don't talk very often But when we do we do talk for a while The the answer is just it depends hanging out at the gas station is like quick bursts of whatever it is Yeah, 
[00:27:13] Fawn: I think it's really important to have eye contact Yes, it can be for sure.
[00:27:19] Touch is a big thing, for sure. Okay. Anyway, just a thing to ponder. Yes. And figure out. Talk to you in the next week. Do you have something else?
[00:27:32] MATT: I do. One last thing. And for the record, so I went to one meetup, planning on going to another. Did I make any friends? I'm not going to make a friend on a first encounter.
[00:27:44] But with repetition, I see possibilities. And that's fun. 
[00:27:50] Fawn: Do you think it's like dating? You had a handgun rule when we met. 
[00:27:55] MATT: Yes I did. 14 day waiting period. But that was before I would even ask somebody [00:28:00] out if this was somebody who I was going to run into an awful lot. 14 days, at least. Before I even consider asking them out.
[00:28:07] Fawn: Quickly, explain quickly what that is. 
[00:28:08] MATT: Fourteen days before I even consider asking someone out who enters into my field of view at, let's say, work or let's say at, you know, a club or a class or whatever. Somebody who I'm going to be running into frequently. 
[00:28:23] Fawn: Yeah, because someone that comes around, they could have a certain vibe about them.
[00:28:27] They could be having a stellar day. Yeah, it could be, it's a veil, good or bad. And, you have to get beyond that. You have to see them in motion. You have to see them in different times. You have to see them in motion. Oh, yes. To understand, hey, is this, is this a mirage? Is this a hologram? What is this?
[00:28:48] Right. And then, cause I mean, I mean, I've, I've been there. Like, thinking, oh, I found someone! Like a boyfriend? Mhmm. Mhmm. And, oh [00:29:00] no. Horrible. Horrible mistake. You know what I'm saying? I do. It's like, yeah, it's usually two weeks. Like you get, if you're with them all the time, you're like, oh, whoa. What was I thinking?
[00:29:12] It's kind of like being drunk or something where you just don't see things properly, right, until the next day You're like, what was I thinking? 
[00:29:21] MATT: Right, exactly And so if you're gonna be entering into a deeper relationship with somebody you want to make sure that that is going to be You know, you at least have potential and they even talk about this as far as dating goes It takes three months before people stop pretending.
[00:29:35] So 
[00:29:36] Fawn: Yeah, they can't keep up the energy unless you're a narcissist, right? It's a lot of energy It's a lot of keep up. Yep. All right That's a lot of maintenance is what I wanted to say. Okay. Um Okay, please please keep in touch and let us know what you think and have a beautiful every day Why'd you squint your eyebrows?
[00:29:56] What nothing? Okay. All right. Have a beautiful [00:30:00] every day everybody be well