"Resentment Repels, Friendship Attracts: The Secret to Abundance"

[00:00:00] FAWN: Hello, everybody. Welcome back to our friendly world. 
[00:00:03] MATT: Hello, hello. 
[00:00:04] FAWN: Can I try that again? Yes. Welcome, everyone. Welcome back to our friendly world. I, I have a little thing that's partially from me. A little game we're gonna play. Uh 
[00:00:14] MATT: oh. 
[00:00:14] FAWN: I mean, not that we're gonna play a game right here, but a game, we're gonna play, we're gonna play a game that will make things a little bit better.
[00:00:23] FAWN: A lot better, actually. It's partially from my own findings. Partially from my friend Heather, Heather Lawrence, Heather, the advisor on Instagram and partially from a therapist that I had to go to after our wedding ceremony. Remember? Okay, so. Yes, I, I, 
[00:00:43] I was terrible, folks. No. Yes, I drove my new wife to therapy.
[00:00:49] FAWN: No, that's not true. What happened was. I mean, it's, we've done, interviews with, about our wedding on other podcasts, on one [00:01:00] podcast, actually. Um, okay, so what happened was, of course we got married, Matt paid for all of it. I tried to make everything by hand myself and everything was environmentally friendly like we didn't get a whole bunch of flowers to to put around we got probably I don't know how many Gerber daisies did we use probably like three per table we had like 220 guests was it 250 or 220 I don't remember it was over 200 right and we went to a section of town, the Garment District, and we bought all kinds of fabric, all kinds of colors.
[00:01:52] FAWN: The most colorful possible. And we designed our own wedding ceremony. It was an interfaith marriage [00:02:00] ceremony. It was outside. It was in Malibu. At a famous place now. It wasn't that famous. Now we see it everywhere. I don't know if it's still standing because of all the fires, but every time we turn on a TV commercial or a movie, we're screaming, Oh my God!
[00:02:16] FAWN: That's exactly where we got married! Like, underneath that. thing right there. Anyway, it was, it was beautiful. Everything was hand done from the wedding invitations to the tables, the, um, centerpieces, the centerpieces, but like every table, instead of a number had a meaningful word that was associated.
[00:02:40] FAWN: So like when guests would come and they would go to the table, Like you know how you go and pick your card. Oh, you're it's your student table 15, right? It wasn't table 15. It was it was 
[00:02:51] MATT: table. Obey table. No, I'm the man table 
[00:02:56] FAWN: No, it was like table Trust [00:03:00] table, you know, like there was a loving word for for each table anyway it but It turned into a fiasco because of my stupid relatives who came with vengeance to get back at each other to, like, use our wedding as a means to seek revenge
[00:03:19] FAWN: on either my parents or, I don't know. We weren't involved in that, it was, because normally people think that, oh, the parents pay for the wedding, or the families pay for the wedding, but, it was all Matt. I was a broke, broke photographer, so, I mean, I did my best creatively to like, make everything myself, but, um, Yeah, so it was all us and we put so much into it and we realized early on that, that kind of situation, that kind of party, that kind of, and I use the word party on purpose, taught us so much and it was actually the biggest, this [00:04:00] is because of Matt, it was the biggest wedding present, the best wedding present we could have received
[00:04:06] FAWN: is seeing people's asses. They showed their true selves, their ugly, ugly selves. And I dare say 99 percent of the people there, we are not in contact with at all. And that includes the quote unquote family. They, there was a brawl or two. Like, it was ridiculous, guys. And at the same time, we had people from Calamigos Ranch who would come up to us and say, We've never seen a wedding like this.
[00:04:40] FAWN: This is so beautiful. And they work there. They do weddings all the time. And I'm like, did you not see what just happened? Or are you It was crazy. Anyway, because of this, I was telling some people that I felt like when we were at the altar, that I was shot with I [00:05:00] don't know if you have ever Did you ever watch when you were a kid, Gilligan's Island?
[00:05:03] FAWN: Of course. You know, the natives on the island, they were called headhunters. They would, like, they had these straws and they had poison in them. That would 
[00:05:13] MATT: be a blow dart. 
[00:05:14] FAWN: A blow dart. And they would, like, pffft. Like blow it and it would like end up infecting that person. It was like at the altar I felt the first time in my life, and I've had so many Injustices coming at me, but like it was the first time I actually felt rage and hate and I couldn't shake it off I could not believe the nerve of these people the audacity to create such ugliness in a In a situation that's about love It, it totally ruined it for me to the point where you and I, you know, immediately said when we have kids, we're going to have a ceremony of our own all over again.
[00:05:55] FAWN: You know, like, with true friends and everything. Still hasn't happened [00:06:00] yet. Well, 
[00:06:00] MATT: I still believe, yes, now I believe a wedding should be a very close, intimate thing. 
[00:06:05] FAWN: Me too. 
[00:06:06] MATT: And only those people that you are 100 percent confident that you really want to have there, should be 
[00:06:12] MATT: there. 
[00:06:13] FAWN: Oh, and also, if you're going to have a big event like that, our advice to so many friends And they all took it, mostly.
[00:06:21] FAWN: And they all come back and go, thank you for that advice, it was the best. Um, higher security. Incognito security. Like, they don't know that there's security, but like, when someone starts acting up, they'll be let out, very kindly. And removed. From the situation. 
[00:06:39] MATT: Whenever anything dramatic, terrible happens, let's just say dramatic.
[00:06:45] MATT: Everybody looks at everybody else wondering if anybody's gonna do anything. 
[00:06:48] FAWN: And then a lot of people just ignore stuff. And 
[00:06:51] then it 
[00:06:51] FAWN: can get personal too. Yes, yes, definitely. So like, you know, a security guard that was, that's paid to be there, but they look like they're [00:07:00] friends, but they're security. It's well worth it guys do it anyway But what I was going to say was because I couldn't get rid of this rage I couldn't shake off the hate,
[00:07:12] FAWN: I ended up going to a therapist and she said okay I want you to repeat this prayer for every person that Wronged you that you feel angry about and I'm like and I went down the list in my head I'm like that's over 220 people. 
[00:07:29] MATT: No, no, hold on. Hold on. My people were okay Mostly, 
[00:07:33] FAWN: no, they were'nt No, I remember I'm talking my 
[00:07:38] people 
[00:07:39] FAWN: your 
[00:07:39] MATT: friends.
[00:07:40] MATT: Yes, 
[00:07:40] FAWN: your your groomsmen Yes, 
[00:07:43] MATT: the groomsmen and my table. I had a table of friends. 
[00:07:46] FAWN: Yes Yes, and Steenie is from that table. No, I'm talking about your family. Like they definitely I don't want to talk about it Anyways, I don't want to talk about that part of it. But um, [00:08:00] 
[00:08:00] MATT: so let's go 210 instead of 220 
[00:08:02] FAWN: even, the photographer, guys!!
[00:08:03] FAWN: We have no images of our of our Wedding I had to go in and Photoshop I mean, like, photoshop them to a ridiculous level. Anyway, um, what was I gonna say? Okay, so, the therapist was like, I want you to say this prayer. And the prayer, first of all, I looked at it and I'm like, What?
[00:08:26] FAWN: Why should I forgive this person? Why? Why? Anyway, and it's a lot of people. And she's like, yeah, it is. And when she said that, it scared me. Because I realized immediately. Yeah, it is a lot to hold on to that's in my body and soul Right, so no matter what it takes I gotta do it. 
[00:08:51] FAWN: This is totally related to what we're talking about today Which is at the base of everything at the base of disease. [00:09:00] It is a lack of love. When there's disease, they say, and I agree that the root of it is because there's a lack of love and there's a, there's a charge of hate or resentment.
[00:09:15] FAWN: Something that is really upsetting you, that's there, that will eat away at you, it'll Literally eat away at your flesh as well as your spirit So you need to make sure you clear it. Get it out of you and I've talked about I've talked about this before But here's a different way. So I'll repeat the prayer Okay, and at first when you hear it, you're like why but just do it when you do it you immediately feel this Lift, like you're free, even if you don't fully believe it, just saying the words out loud by yourself, by the way, if [00:10:00] you say this in front of other people, especially the people that you're mad at, they're fighting words.
[00:10:05] FAWN: So don't! Do it alone when no one is listening. So here it goes. Let's let's give me a name, John, John, okay, Lord. Please help me to forgive John. Please help John to forgive me. This is the part that pissed me off. What do you mean? What does John have to forgive me for? I didn't do anything. But anyway, I'll start over.
[00:10:27] FAWN: Lord, please help me to forgive John. Please help John to forgive me. Please help us to forgive each other. Please Lord. Thank you, Lord. And it totally sounds religious, but forget it. Just do it. Just do it anyway. Like I had total Didn't want to do it situation about it, but again once I said it It was totally liberating and I find that I have to do it all the time and sometimes you think oh It's just a little kind of a [00:11:00] little tiny bother.
[00:11:01] FAWN: I'm not, you know, whatever. No Immediately do it do it for the littlest tiniest inconveniences or or uh A little bothersome thing because it'll grow and fester. It'll grow like what's that thing that grows? Mold! Mold 
[00:11:23] MATT: Fair. 
[00:11:23] FAWN: Okay, so I heard you talking Matt about About actually this idea of us talking about this today, and I'll get into it further Should I just finish my game?
[00:11:38] FAWN: Okay, so my game for this week is Every time there's a thought that comes into your head that's negative, or fearful, or angry maybe, or if it's an emotion that definitely is not uplifting, like you don't get a "YAY!" Feeling from it, do this. First of all, make sure [00:12:00] that just make a statement saying, please remove this from me completely.
[00:12:04] FAWN: Remove it from me, remove it from my body, from my spirit, everything, and then blast it with something that to you. resembles the highest frequency. For me, it's love. So I imagine just a beautiful balloon heart, right? And I just blast it with that. And then I blast it within my entire body like I envision it.
[00:12:32] FAWN: I picture it. If it's my elbow, there's a big heart on my elbow like, ooo, it's just surrounded. It's, it's, it's made out of that heart. Okay, so it's a game. Every time you have a thought, blast it with that. But this came from what you were saying at work, actually, and I don't know if I totally veered off to a weird tangent, but we were talking about how words are and how, how it [00:13:00] may not be politically correct.
[00:13:01] FAWN: Yeah, politically go 
[00:13:02] ahead. And as long as you 
[00:13:04] FAWN: don't run afoul of 
[00:13:06] MATT: HR, boom, okay? Make sure people understand who you are and what you are. Now, I remember seeing, this was a while ago, but our kids had a teacher and they had a stupid little sticker on their little car that said, zero F's given.
[00:13:24] MATT: Meaning, that they don't really care. Right? And you think about that and you're like, wow, that's a hateful person. So, I was thinking about it, and it's not that I give zero F's, which is a bad word, by the way, that F. Um, what it is, is that, I am not as concerned about how you feel about what I'm about to say than I am about saying it.
[00:13:48] MATT: I really, this is, this is honestly how I'm 100 percent feeling and I'm gonna let this out. And sometimes it's blunt and it can come [00:14:00] across as mean. 
[00:14:01] FAWN: Is this kind of like, I had a teacher that taught us this, who would say this, Chop your wood and don't worry about where the chips fly. Is what he would tell us.
[00:14:10] MATT: And that sounds very reasonable. So this week we were in a, I was in a meeting with all of the solution architects and, and there was a moment where we were talking about one thing and I knew that one person who wasn't even present in the meeting had done a lot of work on it. And so I called that out because I was like Yeah, Ted's been working really, really hard on this and someone else because everybody wants to be the smartest man in the room and I don't care about that, but someone else had to chime up with, but Rom did a whole bunch of work too.
[00:14:38] MATT: And I said, Rom knows I have love for him. And that's what I said in the middle of a meeting. My boss is there, a whole bunch of other solution architects are there. I am, I guess, the eldest statesman solution architect at the table. But I said that because that's exactly what I felt. And I had already pinged [00:15:00] Ram on a separate channel to thank him for something else that he contributed to the meeting.
[00:15:04] MATT: So Ram knew I had love for him. 
[00:15:06] FAWN: So what happened was. You were in the team. You were giving out kudos. Am I getting this right? 
[00:15:12] FAWN: I 
[00:15:12] MATT: was throwing out a quick kudo because we were talking about roles and responsibilities and who had done what and who hadn't done what? So you and I wanted to call him out for having basically led this whole chart.
[00:15:23] MATT: Well part of this charge 
[00:15:24] FAWN: Okay, so it's again. I just want to make sure I'm understanding so you were in a meeting and you were calling out the people that that did some great work and Emphasizing that they 
[00:15:35] MATT: did great work.
[00:15:36] MATT: Exactly, because we were going through all the 
[00:15:39] MATT: work that had happened.
[00:15:40] MATT: Some of it wasn't good, some of it was good, some of it was great. And so, you know, making sure that we were very analytically almost evaluating how everybody had done. 
[00:15:51] FAWN: So, with the one guy, you had in private completely been acknowledging the whole time what great work he does and did, right? Right. [00:16:00] So, that's why you said Well, Rom knows I have love for him.
[00:16:04] FAWN: So, I have a question. So, it's been a very long time since I've been in corporate, but So, you can't use words like that? You can't say, I have, he knows I have love for him? 
[00:16:15] MATT: Nobody says that. Who has ever, who have you ever heard say that? 
[00:16:20] FAWN: Well, I've heard people say that, but I mean, I'm not maybe in a corporate In 
[00:16:24] MATT: a work environment?
[00:16:26] FAWN: Yeah, that's what I'm saying, I've been out of it, so that's, is that a no no to talk like that? It's not, 
[00:16:30] MATT: it's not an HR no no, because if it's an HR no no, I'm gonna stay away from it. But it's one of those things that somebody could misconstrue, that somebody could get confused about. And where that came from is I earlier had a conversation with someone I, I, I worked very, very closely with, who I should be working closely with, and I'm not, for whatever reason.
[00:16:50] MATT: And we're finally breaking through that, that work. Um, relationship and into something more friendly and then that's where it dawned on me. I just say [00:17:00] whatever I say and I don't, I go through my meetings, I go through everything. Even recorded, I can say things that maybe come across as harsh because I believe them, because I can defend them, because it's in, it, it, It's in my thoughts, in my heart, in my whatever you want to call it.
[00:17:21] MATT: And if somebody wants to call me out, have at, but you're gonna lose. Cause I'm the guy who, I'm the guy who comes across as blunt, but never wrong. Which is bizarre, right? But even the people who are like, Oh, that Matt, he's, he's challenging because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They never say, and he was wrong to say it.
[00:17:42] MATT: They never say that it's just they're not prepared for how sometimes I say things because I speak from the heart 
[00:17:50] FAWN: Yeah, but 
[00:17:51] MATT: and that's on both sides I'm very quick to compliment and I'm very and I'm much slower to complain you 
[00:17:56] FAWN: are cuz I'm listening to you I'm at the table right next to you. But [00:18:00] here's the thing though What I want to relay to everyone listening is what you're not wrong about is technical stuff.
[00:18:07] FAWN: Like, you can see literally a hundred steps ahead and you're like, this is not a good idea. And people are like, what? You know, that's why you come across as blunt because you'll As finally, when they get to the hundredth step, they're like, Oh, 
[00:18:24] right. And they 
[00:18:24] FAWN: don't even acknowledge that you 
[00:18:26] are 
[00:18:26] FAWN: right. 
[00:18:27] MATT: Well, and the other problem is, is that I prefer to listen a lot more than I talk.
[00:18:32] MATT: That's why we have two ears and one mouth. And so I try and lay it out as quickly as I can. And so people hear the words that come out of my mouth. And then they, and then the next person is like dying to get in because nobody really listens. Everybody is just waiting for their turn to talk. So they don't take in what I say.
[00:18:53] MATT: They want to make their point now. Whereas I've listened to everything everyone else has said, and I'm, [00:19:00] I'm taking that into account as I am, you know, throwing things out. But people, yeah, people have a hard time remembering the guy who spoke for 30 seconds. They have an easy time remembering the guy who spoke for 5 minutes.
[00:19:13] MATT: And I don't have time to speak for five minutes on, on anything in the midst of a meeting, unless it's, unless it is that dance, but it rarely is. So I don't feel the need to say any forgiveness prayers. Because I've already, in many ways, I think let stuff go because these people already know how I feel about them and that's, that's actually part of, that's one piece of the stoic mindset.
[00:19:39] FAWN: But, like, thinking about being successful is, is why I also, I wanted to talk about this. Being successful in your career, in your relationships, in whatever you want to think of as success in whatever category in your life. What I'm trying to say is to have true success, you shouldn't, you [00:20:00] could to have to have true success to actually reach success, to attract money, to attract the good things, to attract the good friends.
[00:20:14] FAWN: If you have any kind of resentment within you, even if it's a tiny little bit, maybe you don't, you don't like this one person. Mm-hmm . That you work with or maybe you don't like this one person that was at your wedding and you think you've gotten over it You think but every time you think about them, you're like, oh that guy, you know what I'm saying?
[00:20:37] FAWN: That is what I'm talking about That that's what I'm talking about the small stuff because what you do want to attract like the money you do want to attract Mm hmm guys. I haven't figured this out. This is something I've been working on the past week. Okay, but What I'm remembering is that, let's say, the people that you want to attract in your life or the money that you want to attract [00:21:00] in your life, they can sense this bit of rage that's festering, that's building.
[00:21:05] FAWN: It's like they can sniff the mold that's growing. Yes. So that's what I'm talking about. That's why, that's why I brought up what I brought up today is Make sure that you blast it with light and clean it up so it doesn't grow because other people, including money, it's all energetic. 
[00:21:26] MATT: Right. 
[00:21:27] FAWN: They can smell it.
[00:21:28] FAWN: So if you want to attract the good things, make sure you're totally good. So if you do have resentment for anyone, it could be someone annoying on the team, it could be you're thinking this person never pays attention, this person doesn't get it, this person didn't give me a good review. Do you know what I'm saying?
[00:21:47] FAWN: Yes. You need to be completely honest with yourself and make sure you clean that up with you. Yes. 
[00:21:54] MATT: And clean it up, you are absolutely 100 percent right. 
[00:21:58] FAWN: To the point where that [00:22:00] person's name comes up or they're in front of you, you feel no charge at all. 
[00:22:04] MATT: And there you have it. Yes, absolutely. And that's why I speak from the heart.
[00:22:09] MATT: Oh, it feels like you want to, like, get mad at me now. 
[00:22:12] FAWN: No! 
[00:22:12] MATT: Okay. 
[00:22:13] FAWN: No. 
[00:22:13] MATT: Okay. It, it, that's when I speak from the heart. And that's why, yes, when my boss started commenting on my review, I, I informed him all the ways he was wrong and he had nothing he could say about it. I mean, I threw so many truth bombs at him so fast it hurt him.
[00:22:31] MATT: I could feel it. I could feel his entire psyche going, B buuuut? 
[00:22:36] FAWN: But don't you think you have to do a little statement like, Oh God, please help me forgive this person. Please help this person to forgive me. Because on the other hand, you, you know what I'm saying? If you did by any chance hurt him in any way emotionally, or even if it was a little shock, Don't you think that that statement should be said and within [00:23:00] yourself like please help us to forgive each other.
[00:23:02] FAWN: Thank you 
[00:23:03] MATT: I I think for me mostly I think at this point I think the idiot who cuts me off on the highway you're right, but I can get up close and personal with Most people who I feel wrong me and I can have a one on one conversation with them And I can throw them the the bomb. I can throw them the truth.
[00:23:23] MATT: But see 
[00:23:24] FAWN: why why bomb it's all kind of war I'm like, I'm just saying what does it hurt to quickly say that statement? You're right And and what does it hurt to just bring out the Windex and take care of it? 
[00:23:36] MATT: That's true. But then 
[00:23:38] FAWN: and I only say Windex because of our favorite movie. Windex is the cure 
[00:23:42] MATT: I want to, I want to nip it at the bud as far as it happening again.
[00:23:47] MATT: That's, that's been my other kind of raison d'etre raison 
[00:23:52] FAWN: d'être. 
[00:23:53] MATT: There you go. 
[00:23:55] FAWN: The reason for being, um, yeah, that sounds [00:24:00] good. I'll have that. Anyway, I feel like you're fighting me on it. Just say it. I'm just saying, even if you're in doubt, just make sure you're constantly cleaning. And guess what, guys?
[00:24:14] FAWN: Every day. I have to clean our refrigerator every day. And every time I clean it, I'm like, I think we'll be good forever. But then I come back an hour later and there's something spilled on one of the shelves. I'm like, 
[00:24:29] MATT: Do you know how many times I've cleaned the refrigerator door handles? Look, I'm not 
[00:24:33] FAWN: playing games of who does what.
[00:24:35] FAWN: I'm just saying. It's something that constantly needs to be cleaned. Mm hmm. Like, you constantly have to brush your teeth. Hello? You know, and we, we go around thinking, I'll just brush my teeth and I'm set forever. No, it's a constant maintenance you have to do. True. With, oh God, please help me to forgive this person.
[00:24:55] FAWN: Please, this person, let them, help them to forgive [00:25:00] me. Please. Thank you. Just say it. Mumble it to yourself in the, in the privacy of your own space. 
[00:25:08] MATT: Yes, sahab. 
[00:25:10] FAWN: You know? 
[00:25:11] MATT: Yes, sahab. Are you just 
[00:25:12] FAWN: saying that to make me, like, be quiet now so we can end the show? End the episode? Alright, well, that's all I have to say, guys.
[00:25:20] MATT: Ha 
[00:25:21] FAWN: ha ha ha ha. Have a beautiful every day. Again, we're always here. Reach out to us. Hi, Amy! Amy, grounded in Maine, guys. Great podcast. Okay. Hi, Wendy. Love you. 
[00:25:35] MATT: Okay. Happy 
[00:25:37] FAWN: Apple Vegan. HappyAppleVegan. com, guys. The best, best vegan recipes. Seriously. Happy Apple Vegan. Okay. And grounded in Maine. Um, listen. Have a beautiful everyday.
[00:25:53] MATT: Be well.