The War on Art and Friendship

This week's episode offers a vulnerable look at how self-doubt can creep in, even during moments of triumph, and the importance of recognizing, naming, and overcoming these inner barriers. Fawn offers her recent personal experience and the duo illustrate how these lessons extend beyond career into relationships and personal growth.

Fawn and Matt delve into the intricate dynamics of boundaries in relationships and the importance of self-worth. They share personal stories and insights about overcoming feelings of unworthiness, navigating vulnerability, and claiming one’s identity. Fawn reflects on a transformative experience in a crowded city, revealing how external pressures prompted an internal dialogue about self-acceptance and self-empowerment. Matt emphasizes the value of recognizing one's worth, despite challenges and past struggles, and the duo discusses how grounding techniques and a strong sense of self can lead to healthier relationships. The conversation is both enlightening and relatable, offering listeners practical tools for building resilience and authenticity in their own lives.

The War on Art, Dealing with negative forces, Boundaries, Self-worth, Vulnerability, Resilience, Identity, Empowerment, Relationships

#WarOnArt, #DealingWithNegativeForces, #Boundaries, #SelfWorth, #Vulnerability, #Resilience, #Identity, #Empowerment, #HealthyRelationships

MixPre-1556 The War on Art

[00:00:00] FAWN: Welcome back, everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Hello.

[00:00:03] MATT: Hello, everyone.

[00:00:05] FAWN: OK.

[00:00:06] MATT: Yes.

[00:00:07] FAWN: I promise this will go back to friendship. I just want to share something.

[00:00:11] MATT: Oh, dear.

[00:00:11] FAWN: A few weeks ago, I had a dream job in my voiceover career. I had to go to the big city, the big, big city.

[00:00:20] To a majorly beautiful professional sound studio to do a job dream job It was great. I was on cloud nine. I was flying high Felt so good dream come true Okay, it was so good that I was like is something wrong like I had to ask the clients like Are you serious that you are happy? Or are you being nice? I said that.

[00:00:51] Those words came out of my mouth. Uh

[00:00:53] MATT (2): oh.

[00:00:53] FAWN: And they didn't really answer me, other than saying that was great. They said that was great. And then I, I got [00:01:00] the sound engineer all alone. I'm like, listen, tell me the truth. How did it go? She said, that was great. I'm like, woohoo. I was flying, right? I get out of there, and I did it in not that many takes, which they said was great because the person before me had a lot of takes, they said.

[00:01:19] Whatever. Okay, so I'm leaving. Now I'm walking the streets Not like that. I'm in the streets It's very crowded and you know, people tend to be very gruff and stuff, but everyone was smiling at me I was smiling at everyone else It was like one of those Disney moments where the birds are landing on your shoulder You know what I'm saying?

[00:01:42] Like everything is perfect. I was all dressed up Even with nice shoes, even though I was walking all over the place. I had a brand new bag. I love bags. I can't, I can't help it. Anyway, all of a sudden, tell me if this happens to you guys. I mean, [00:02:00] I know it does in some ways, and I'll bring it back to friendship.

[00:02:02] Don't point at me. Well, I'm just saying, I was gonna say, well, tell me if it happens to you guys, but after this happened, I, and I'm gonna tell you what happened, but when it happened, I just kept it to myself. And then, I don't know, a week later. I had a meeting with one of my business coaches and we tend to have really great, great conversations together and it gets quite spiritual.

[00:02:32] Even though we're talking about business and everything, it all comes back to spiritual stuff. Examples from like, she'll pull things out and say, well, you know, this It's actually like in the Old Testament, like she'll like bring things up like that and tell me stories that are totally relevant to today but She said everyone goes through this and I'll get to that later And it's it was this this was so [00:03:00] helpful that I just want to I feel like I need to share it with everyone alright, so what happened was I was so happy.

[00:03:07] I was proud of myself because all the training, everything over the years, it all pulled through. I felt so successful.

[00:03:19] MATT (2): Good. And happy. Good.

[00:03:22] FAWN: Everything, shiny, bright. And as I was walking, all of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of myself in the, um, one of the, um, Shop windows, you know In the glass and all of a sudden I spiraled i'm like look at you.

[00:03:40] You're so ugly And I was wearing this big like flowy summer dress

[00:03:46] MATT (2): You

[00:03:47] FAWN: know, it wasn't big but you know a nice beautiful flowy dress and Everything got so distorted and I started to tell myself Look at how [00:04:00] Incredibly obese you are. You're, you're a monster. You're so ugly. Why would anyone want to work with you?

[00:04:12] These thoughts came to my head and I didn't tell you Matt and I definitely didn't tell the family, right? Cause I, I didn't want to repeat that kind of stuff. So in, in, in the quiet silence, like protection of My private conversation with my business coach I told her this And she was quiet for a few seconds, and I said, what do you make of this?

[00:04:38] Do you have any Suggestions for me and I didn't know what she was gonna say and then she told me a story and she told me everything is normal everyone Especially creatives go through this, and I want to say we go through this when we meet friends too, [00:05:00] in relationships. You can call it what you want, you can call it sabotage, you can call it, like, I don't know.

[00:05:08] Some, like in the Jewish religion, they call it the Yitzharah. Basically, it's like the devil coming to, um, take away from you. Or take you away from your path. Or, you know, the opposite will show up. Do you know what I'm saying? In the form of a thought. So you may be meeting someone, and you're like, Yay! This is wonderful!

[00:05:32] And then all of a sudden you'll say to yourself, Yeah, well, I don't deserve it. I'm not a good person. Or I'm not hip enough. I'm not pretty enough. Whatever the weird thing that's going on. is it shows up. It could show up in business. It could show up in friendships, but you know, marriages, all of that. And what my business coach told me was that it's always the things that you're most insecure about that will show up.

[00:05:58] And guess what? [00:06:00] It has nothing to do With what you're dealing with. So she broke it down. She said, first of all, you're not obese Hello You're not ugly. You're not any of those things and guess what? It has nothing to do with your voiceover career. Does it? Let's say you were those things What does that have to do with your voice?

[00:06:27] That's not why they're hiring you and she did that to make a point that So what you know, it's illogical Right? Right. But, but it's the stuff that comes through and I, like I said, you can call it whatever you want. Sabotage, self sabotage, the devil, whatever, right? Why are you making those faces? Did you not know?

[00:06:53] I'm

[00:06:53] MATT: almost afraid to say anything at this point because I'm afraid I'm gonna say the wrong thing. So we'll see how this further develops.

[00:06:59] FAWN: [00:07:00] So one of the things I was told to do by my Coach was, she brought up, actually she brought up a book that I thought I was one of the very few people that knows about this book.

[00:07:13] It's on my desk. She brought up two books. And every time I was like, Oh my God, that's on my desk. Oh my God, that's on my desk. I look at them every day. They help me. One of them is the War of Art. Everybody's familiar with The Art of War. This is called The War of Art, the War of Art, Break Through the Blocks, and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, that's the title, and it's by Steven Pressfield, and it talks about that, it talks about when you're on your path, when you're creating something. Something will show up that will take you away from that. There are a few books that talk about this, and then the other one was, um, oh no, I'm blanking out on it. [00:08:00] Um, anyway, bottom line, bottom line, the thing is that she told me to write a letter to myself. But not to myself to the thing that shows up for some people it's fear So you write a letter to fear saying hey, I know you're riding in the car with me But guess what?

[00:08:21] You're not gonna be in the front seat or in the back seat and guess what? You don't get to Make the final decisions here,

[00:08:29] MATT: but you get to pick the radio station.

[00:08:30] FAWN: You don't even get oh you you've read that No, oh my gosh. It's from this book and she it's a it's a letter. She writes. It's a it's a very famous person And I'm so sorry I'm totally blanking out on the name But it has to do with creativity and she says and you do not get to pick the radio station Oh the fear the fear does not

[00:08:50] no

[00:08:50] MATT (2): oh,

[00:08:51] FAWN: no, you I

[00:08:55] Basically, it's saying, I hear you, you can speak. [00:09:00] But you are not going to control the destination, you're not controlling the wheel here, you know, so I'm like, okay So I have to write a letter. First of all, I have to name it I don't know what this is that shows up for me, but it's always this, you know It comes from childhood like every time there was a big thing like a big party to go to or you know An important thing to go to I was always ridiculed for You Um, not ridiculed, I mean, like told how awful I look and, you know, I'm not a good person and I'm ugly and all this stuff.

[00:09:36] I mean, I was a little, little kid, six, seven years old, getting told this and hello, my parents bought the clothes and they're telling me how awful I look. Like you're going to wear that? Come on. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't make any sense. But that kind of thinking. Is now, has always been with me.

[00:09:53] And I, it's this thing that shows up. And, I was, we were, the kids and I were watching this, uh, [00:10:00] TV series. Was it a TV series? It's that show.

[00:10:03] MATT: It's a series. Uh, what was

[00:10:05] FAWN: it called? What was it called? Who Wants This?

[00:10:07] MATT: Nobody Wants This.

[00:10:09] FAWN: Nobody Wants This. With Kristen Bell. It's, it's just, what was I saying? I totally forgot.

[00:10:18] MATT (2): Oh my goodness.

[00:10:19] FAWN: When you meet, it was like, okay, so she got into a relationship, right? , I like how they did it. They're both so happy. They show both characters separately, going through these same thoughts. Like, I'm not a good person.

[00:10:33] I don't deserve a relationship that's good. I'm not a good person. I'm a bad person. Like, these thoughts come in.

[00:10:40] MATT (2): Mm hmm.

[00:10:42] FAWN: I'm just wondering, all of you listening, what kind of thoughts come into your head? What can you name it? I have to name mine. What would you name mine? Oh my goodness. It's not, it's not fear.

[00:10:55] Should I call it the blob? Hey blob.

[00:10:57] MATT: See, if it was me it would be a name like [00:11:00] Percy or

[00:11:01] FAWN: Percy?

[00:11:02] MATT: Yes.

[00:11:03] FAWN: But what if it was me? What if you were me? Like a very

[00:11:05] MATT: aristocratic but thin and weak person. That's where I get Percy from, but that's me.

[00:11:13] FAWN: See, mine is so loud and ugly and mean. So, I don't know what to call it.

[00:11:18] MATT: The Bullhorn?

[00:11:20] FAWN: I don't know. And then do you call it something that has power? Cause you're giving it more power, right? Like, if

[00:11:30] MATT: you say,

[00:11:30] FAWN: hey clown, do you know what I'm saying? So,

[00:11:32] MATT: like, I keep coming to, I keep working in really random circles, and one of my favorite authors that I first read when I was eight, and I still read to this day, Ursula K. Le Guin, shout out. In the naming of a thing, you control the thing. That's what she wrote in one of her books.

[00:11:54] And in the beginning there was a word. But anyways, um, So I think in naming something, [00:12:00] you gain power over it. And in this society that she had created, you had a secret name that you kept to yourself, and you would only share with those people you trusted with your life. Because it was your life in this particular fantasy world that she had created.

[00:12:14] So, I think the naming of things is important. You know, and the other thing that you're touching on, I mean, people talk about there's three parts to everything. There's the body, the mind, and the spirit. And everybody says, you know, the body, that's easy, right? I'm physical. I'm strong. I'm eating well. I'm sleeping enough.

[00:12:33] I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Mental, ooh, yes. I read and I'm taking courses and I'm et cetera, et cetera. And the spirit, ah, spirit, spirit is fine. We kind of push the spirit over to the left or to the right. And then we talk about things like faith. It's like, I'm a computer programmer, yay for me, right?

[00:12:59] Why? [00:13:00] Oh, well, I went to school and I worked really hard and I, all the mind stuff, right? The body stuff. I stay up late learning, learning things and I, I focus on what I'm doing and I eat right and I, so what? Neither one of those things is truly important. I'm, I'm a computer programmer because I believe I'm a computer, because I have faith in my skills and my abilities.

[00:13:27] Yes, but ultimately I believe. And that's it. That's all of it. You remember one of our neighbors, Aydin?

[00:13:39] FAWN: Uh huh.

[00:13:40] MATT: Do you remember what he told, he's a teacher. Do you remember what he told me he teaches?

[00:13:48] FAWN: I remember he used the S H I T word in the midst of it, but I don't remember all of it now. He

[00:13:54] MATT: teaches invisible S H I T.

[00:13:57] FAWN: Oh yeah, that's right. That's right. [00:14:00]

[00:14:00] MATT: He teaches entrepreneurship. He teaches faith, if you believe in yourself, and how that comes about. So you've talked to him more.

[00:14:14] FAWN: He didn't say all of that when we first met. No, no,

[00:14:17] MATT: he didn't tell me that stuff either. But there's the message inside the message inside the message.

[00:14:22] And you have to pay attention. When the teachers come along and drop wisdom on you, you've gotta be Johnny on the spot and pay attention. Like we were talking about various and sundry subjects for the show today. And something came up on, on the telly. And it was like, I took a deeper look at it and I really thought it through.

[00:14:44] And I'm like, that's where it starts. It's it's, it's about giving things the extra kind of oomph. It's the, I'm not going to accept what you tell me at face value. And why is that? Because the only way we learn something is [00:15:00] to feel it internally, have it funnel through our, our body filters, our mind filters, and our spirit filters

[00:15:09] FAWN: right. I'm totally aligned with a spirit filter. Like, I can't tell you why something is truth, but I feel it. I feel a lie. I feel like, wires get crossed in my brain and I have a nanosecond or a few nanoseconds of malfunction. Where the wires cross channel and fizzle out.

[00:15:33] Right. And when I feel that, I'm like, wow, I don't think I'm hearing the truth here. And it all happens in a split second, you know, so I can't put my finger on it. So you and I were talking about, well, what is critical thinking? I don't think I could break it down for myself to describe to myself what is critical thinking because it's not, I'm not a very logical person, I'm a very intuitive feeling person.

[00:15:57] Right. So it smells weird to me [00:16:00] or it feels weird to me. Mm hmm. You know what I'm saying? And I'm, by smell, I mean smell, like sometimes I'll get a scent that will come to me and I'm like, that's weird. That's my way of critical thinking.

[00:16:13] MATT: So. Back to back to what we were actually talking about.

[00:16:18] Why do you suppose you saw yourself in that glass and had that conversation with yourself?

[00:16:21] FAWN: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

[00:16:24] MATT: And that's what you need to scratch at. That's what you need to try and figure out and that's what ultimately is knowable And it may be the most important knowable thing.

[00:16:34] You know, I hate the whole concept of tests, but I think it's an opportunity to see the contrast and go I am a talented person. I'm actually pretty and I'm actually attractive and I deserve Success, this is mine instead of something taking it away from me and for it to show up As it showed up, I'm like, whoa, [00:17:00] I recognize that it showed up.

[00:17:01] FAWN: Usually I will spiral and try to hide. But there was no way for me to hide. And I had to go catch trains and buses and all of this, right? And I was in such a crowded city that I was like, whoa, I can't feel weak right now. Right. I cannot be that kind of whatever, vulnerable, whatever you want to call it.

[00:17:26] There's no time for that right now because I don't want to get mugged or whatever. So, I'm like, whatever this is, shut up right now. And then I started to think, well, so what if I am all these things? Let me just find a place to get coffee because I'm losing energy here.

[00:17:47] MATT (3): Right.

[00:17:47] FAWN: Right. But. Um, I don't know. I think to answer your question, it was an opportunity for me to claim myself.

[00:17:56] I heard someone say, forget about your [00:18:00] past, like thinking in terms of being rich, like financially wealthy. If you came from a background that it was not wealthy, why hold on to that? Why can't you tell yourself, You came from an incredibly wealthy background and when you have that thought when I have that thought, right?

[00:18:19] I feel so much better. Why do I have to hold on to a past of neglect or Such Lack

[00:18:27] MATT: right.

[00:18:28] FAWN: It doesn't help

[00:18:29] MATT: me. It doesn't ultimately serve you. It

[00:18:31] FAWN: doesn't serve me but Even if, I don't know what the reasons are or what the outcome actually is, all I can tell you is I feel so much lighter and happier and giggly when I think, Oh, I came from mansions and extreme wealth, you know what I'm saying?

[00:18:47] And I'm like, hee hee, you know? Oh dear. So, I feel like in that, using that same kind of a tool,

[00:18:56] MATT (2): I

[00:18:56] FAWN: can put aside thoughts like that that [00:19:00] will sabotage me or take me away from where I need to be. Where I need to be is matching that kind of energy that is powerful and magnetic and incredibly like bright and happy. To say, hey, I am this voice, you want me, , I'm here to help, I am here to create this thing with you, as opposed to, I suck, I'm ugly, I don't deserve to be here.

[00:19:29] By, you know, does that answer your question? It

[00:19:34] MATT: doesn't, it doesn't.

[00:19:35] FAWN: Okay.

[00:19:35] MATT: Because I, I want to just project what would have been going on in my head if I was in the exact same situation.

[00:19:41] FAWN: Tell me why.

[00:19:41] MATT: But I'm probably wrong.

[00:19:42] FAWN: But tell me.

[00:19:43] MATT: But I'm probably wrong.

[00:19:44] FAWN: Just tell me.

[00:19:44] MATT: It's the Tao of Matt, we're talking about the Tao of Fawn, not the Tao of Matt.

[00:19:48] FAWN: But what would be going through your head? You got your dream job.

[00:19:52] MATT: Right. Objectively speaking,

[00:19:54] my faith is easy. It's easy to believe in myself right now. As far as career [00:20:00] wise, right? And ultimately speaking, because I have that objective measure, I have faith in, you know, in myself, at least at this slice. And so that devil, he comes at you where you don't expect it. And on some level, you're maybe see again, this is me thinking it, not you thinking it in the same situation, I would be like, I feel like maybe I'm not worthy, but I've got it, but I'm still not worthy.

[00:20:27] And , I'm going to figure out a way to balance the scale by saying, Oh, well, I'm this or I'm that, even though I've got this wonderful opportunity, I'm still not worthy, but because I can't say I'm not worthy career wise, I have to say I'm not worthy some other way.

[00:20:46] And it all comes back to invisible S H I T. Faith.

[00:20:52] I, I want to revisit the whole naming thing. Mm hmm. And, I'm listening to what you're saying, but I'm also remembering what I [00:21:00] was told , by my business coach.

[00:21:02] MATT (2): Mm hmm.

[00:21:03] FAWN: There is some part of you that you have to fight. Mm hmm. It's like being in a relationship with a friend or anyone. You are bound to get into conflict with one another. So, there's some things that you're just going to have to fight. There's no getting around it, you will come across an uncomfortable situation.

[00:21:24] True. Or something where you have to communicate and it won't be comfortable. Right. So it's, it's the same thing in a way. There's some parts of your story you have to leave behind and it, there comes a time where you have to refresh your memory of that main thing, whatever that is. Right. Like I was saying, like refresh your memory.

[00:21:50] If you come from a poor background, I come from a rich background, figure out a different way to present it to yourself. Right. And I guess in a way you're setting up [00:22:00] boundaries like that One of the things the first thing she told me when I told her what happened to me when I was walking She said that is old testament right there I'm, like really?

[00:22:13] Oh my god, where are we going to go to today? Like she's very she's a spiritual person and she told me the story of elijah the prophet And how he did like he helped perform these miraculous things, and it happened, and some queen later came and said, I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. You better watch out.

[00:22:36] You better look, over your shoulder, cause I'm gonna kill you. And he freaked out so bad. That he ran, I think, to the mountains. I don't know if I'm saying this right. Guys, I don't know the whole story, but I guess he ran to the mountains to hide and the main part of the story was that He knew he could perform miracles Like he knew that he had God on his side [00:23:00] right and he was part of the miracles, right?

[00:23:04] But he didn't think that The miracles could exist for him. He had no confidence.

[00:23:10] MATT: He was just a vessel. He was just the in between guy.

[00:23:12] FAWN: He didn't think that God would provide him with stuff.

[00:23:15] MATT: Uh huh. Interesting.

[00:23:17] FAWN: And that's not true. It's, again, that kind of limited thinking. That we all go through.

[00:23:22] MATT: Right.

[00:23:23] FAWN: The feeling of unworthiness.

[00:23:25] MATT: Right. And that's why, like, for me, I've been blessed, it feels like, in this life, to everybody I've considered, like, a personal hero, or somebody I wanted to emulate, or any of the rest of it, they always screw up. it keeps, it doesn't necessarily keep me humble, but it keeps me going with an understanding that nobody's perfect.

[00:23:49] FAWN: Everybody's fighting their battles.

[00:23:52] MATT: Exactly. Everybody goes through struggles. Everybody goes through their battles. Everybody comes to, some kind of a compromise within [00:24:00] themselves sometimes.

[00:24:01] FAWN: That's what Kathleen was saying that everyone goes through this, right? And, can I share one of the things she told me to do?

[00:24:08] Oh, which also at the same time, just talk about synchronicity. At the same time, I have also been going to the chiropractor he was telling me the same thing. And Kathleen, my coach, was telling me the same thing. Because she talked about, she went to her therapist, and she said, I want you to, Take a look at this, and she talked about the feet. Mind you, she didn't know I was going to the chiropractor and he was telling me the same thing.

[00:24:37] There's a point on your feet, at the center of the bottom of your feet, like these points. The tickle spot. I don't know, honey. But like, all the points come together in one particular spot. Okay. And it's like, in the middle. Like your arches, you know, like in the middle of your feet there's this axis or something [00:25:00] but That's where you find grounding, and that when you plant your feet, remember we were talking about the hero position, like you, hands on your hips, hands on your hips, , your feet wide apart, you're standing like a superhero,

[00:25:15] MATT: and your hands on your hips forces your chest to spread, so you're occupying, it's almost like you're occupying almost as much space as you can while standing up.

[00:25:24] FAWN: But they've done studies where people do this for five minutes, or is it 10 minutes? Five minutes, I think. You do this on your own before you go into a job interview. They tested all these people.

[00:25:36] MATT: Right.

[00:25:37] FAWN: One group did this on their own, stood in that superhero position.

[00:25:41] And then they went in for the job interview. Same exact everything. Qualifications, everything, everything was the same aside from the superhero position. The other group didn't do it. The ones that did got the job. There's a vibe about you after you do that and what Kathleen was saying is [00:26:00] it's not necessarily, cause I'm like, Oh, you're talking about the superhero position.

[00:26:03] She's like, no, it's really about concentrating on your feet and getting grounded by spreading your feet, your toes in a way that that point at the bottom of your foot actually touches the ground, that it creates something in your spine. It's something electrical also, within your body that gets activated. She described it as having a strong back, but a soft front, which is, interesting.

[00:26:31] If you think about it in terms of friendship, having a strong core, strong back, but a soft heart, like your arms are open, do you know what I'm saying? But yet you're so strong. If you think about a mother who such a warm embrace you feel safe in. She's strong and soft at the same time,

[00:26:52] so to remember that kind of energy flow, that was another thing, another piece of advice she shared with me that I [00:27:00] wanted to pass on today.

[00:27:01] Did I skip over what you said, though? Nope,

[00:27:03] MATT: not at all. But again, for me, it's You know being strong on all three quadrants and not paying lip service to one or the other

[00:27:14] FAWN: Could you repeat the three quadrants again body

[00:27:16] MATT: my spirit spirit gives you faith.

[00:27:19] FAWN: Yeah,

[00:27:21] MATT: and To me it's an interesting thing at least in my by my way of thinking Having spirit together is the most important we tend to push it to the side,

[00:27:32] FAWN: but when you're feeling So bad about your physical,

[00:27:37] how can you be strong in the physical sense. So if you feel like you're not pretty enough or attractive enough or whatever the fighting weight is, right, then how, how do you deal with that? How do you, how do you balance that part of it?

[00:27:54] MATT: Yeah. Absolutely. And that's where in my mind, it's almost like it's a tripod, [00:28:00] right?

[00:28:00] The three things. And so you figure out how to combat it using your mind and using your spirit. But if your spirit is atrophied, if you don't have a strong sense of yourself and a strong belief in yourself for, from whatever, be it from, you feel a higher power is directly communicating with you, or you feel like you are grounded, centered to the earth, any of those things help build your faith. If you don't have two of those legs, if all three legs aren't reasonably strong, when one weakens, what do you do? And that's really, that's really the trick. So. It's about strengthening the other quadrants and then figuring out what that means.

[00:28:42] Cause your mind can help you say, wait a second, but you ran a marathon yesterday or whatever it is. Cause people come up with some really weird kind of justifications for why one of these aspects may be lacking.

[00:28:56] FAWN: You know what that reminds me of Matt? When we first met, we met [00:29:00] in the martial arts school and I would show up, I had a miserable job, miserable bosses, and I would come in crying from my day because I would go straight from work, and then quickly change, and then we were in the martial arts school, right?

[00:29:19] And you would see me all weepy and stuff, and you said something to me that was like, gosh, I don't remember your exact words, you said, first of all, you said a few things, but like, you said, Sometimes things get absurd, right? And then you have to laugh at it. But what you said was when things get bad There's always one thing that's actually good and you just put all your focus on that.

[00:29:49] Do you remember?

[00:29:50] MATT: Yes, I do because I that was that was my mantra at that point because it felt like everything was upside down in my life For a moment. So could

[00:29:57] FAWN: you tell me what you told me?

[00:29:59] MATT: So [00:30:00] when when

[00:30:00] it feels like everything in your world is

[00:30:03] just has collapsed for whatever reason You rack your brain, typically there's at least one thing in your life that doesn't suck.

[00:30:14] And maybe it's as simple as, I have these new shoes. It doesn't matter what it is, but there's something in your life that helps, that builds, that has you feeling like it's going to be okay. Unfortunately, there's 99 things that are telling you that everything's not going to be okay, but it's about focusing on that one thing that says everything's going to be okay.

[00:30:37] And then, once you breathe into it, once you stop hyperventilating, or whatever the equivalent is for what you're doing, your panic, once you get over your panic, then you figure out how to expand that. And maybe it's as simple as, wait a second, there's only this one thing that sucks, everything else is okay.

[00:30:55] Okay, that one thing that sucks is a big deal, but it's still only one thing out of [00:31:00] like 20. And other times it's about figuring out what aspects of yourself, your life, that, you want to empower or get stronger in.

[00:31:10] FAWN: Got it. By the way, Kathleen said, things will get worse. The more successful you are, the more this voice gets louder.

[00:31:19] So you have to figure it out. You have to figure out a way to talk to it, which is why she's like, I want you to write a letter. Like, by the way, I remembered the book. It's Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is Big Magic. so she writes a letter to fear, right?

[00:31:34] MATT: See, I would say that's her TAO, that's not my TAO.

[00:31:37] FAWN: But you said you name it. It's good to name it. She named it.

[00:31:41] MATT: Well, in naming a thing, you control a thing. I did absolutely say that. But as far as, like, naming my feeling, I wouldn't. I would be working on growing everything around it to, to choke it, choke the weed in my garden.

[00:31:55] FAWN: Yeah, do you kill it? Why do they have it around? [00:32:00] Right. Well, because maybe, because it never goes away. That's part of nature, is it will always be there. And that's what the War of Art says.

[00:32:09] MATT: Okay, well.

[00:32:10] FAWN: It's part of nature.

[00:32:11] MATT: You know, there are certain. It's the yin

[00:32:13] FAWN: and yang.

[00:32:13] MATT: There are certain aspects, yes, you're right, that won't go away, but for everything that could possibly go away, choke it out, put it in a stranglehold, build

[00:32:22] your garden.

[00:32:22] FAWN: Well, in a way, she's doing that by saying you're going to be in the back seat, you're not going to be the driver. Right. And you're not going to control the radio station, you know?

[00:32:32] MATT: Yeah, but at some point in time, I'm going to actually take our car to the car wash, and I'm going to open up that back seat, I'm going to see that thing, and I'm going to put it in the trash.

[00:32:41] FAWN: Nice. But then it'll show up in another way.

[00:32:44] MATT: Maybe. Or maybe it won't.

[00:32:47] FAWN: Maybe. Anyway, so that's it. I mean, did I just take it to a negative place?

[00:32:53] I mean, it was a big triumph.

[00:32:56] I did it.

[00:32:59] MATT: And you should [00:33:00] celebrate

[00:33:00] that.

[00:33:00] FAWN: I did it, yeah. Alright, hope that makes sense. And, I want to give a big shout out, Amy Fagan, Grounded in Maine podcast. Love you.

[00:33:11] Uh oh, did she get in trouble in Maine?

[00:33:14] Grounded in, no! You, to her parents, ground her. Stop it, Matt. He knows.

[00:33:20] Anyway, check out, everyone check out grounded in Maine podcast. Love you, Amy. Thank you so much for all your support and your beautiful podcast and everything you're doing in the world. Okay, well, what do you think? Be well.