Walking Into Friendship: The Power of Shared Steps

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back, everyone. Hello, hello. Alright, so last week we were talking about A. I. and I having a wonderful friendship like to the point where I was like crying, like, oh, a friend. And then I realized it's not. I mean, it is and it isn't. Really, it isn't at all. So, today we're going to talk about something physical and directions on How we can have an actual friendship, relationship, bonding, the bonding, the bonding, the bonding.
[00:00:35] Fawn: So, Matt is great at this, because every day he does this. Meanwhile, I'm in my booth downstairs, in a padded room, talking into a mic, all day, every day. And there's my phone. 
[00:00:48] MATT: Welcome to life, folks. I was hanging out with our youngest. And we took a hike.
[00:00:58] MATT: We hiked up to the [00:01:00] top of this Mmm. Top is kind of a fun word and mountain is kind of a fun word But we hiked to the top of a mountain which is about an hour and 15 hour and 20 minute round trip From the parking lot, of course Not really up a mountain and this wasn't as serious of a mountain as we've seen before but it was serious enough And it was cold and it was and it was and it was and we had a really nice time Why why the heck did we have a nice time?
[00:01:31] MATT: Well, there's a variety of reasons for it. So, but today I want to talk about the walking friend. So why did we have a nice time? Well, it's nice to have a physical activity. It's nice, especially to have a physical activity where silences are okay. Cause you're hiking. So, you know, you're either going to hear, how's it going?
[00:01:51] MATT: Are you going to, I'm sorry, you're either going to hear, how's it going? Or you're going to hear, There's also a sense of, and I've said this for [00:02:00] a long time, but shared experiences Build friendships and of course child parent friendships or relationships are different But this holds for other people too, and I've done this hike before with other people 
[00:02:12] Fawn: Well, it's a good example because a child let's just say a teenage parent walk is This example is a great example because when you're becoming friends and it's hard to talk about things, it's hard to get over your shyness or whatever blocks you have.
[00:02:32] Fawn: The example you're giving of a parent, teenage, Walk is a great example because they're at that stage where you, no matter how you frame a question or how you frame a conversation, you just tend to get sometimes a one word response, you know, like a big wall, like, how was your day? Like, that's not a good way to ask, but like, you know, fine.
[00:02:57] Fawn: And it wasn't fine. You know what I'm saying? [00:03:00] And during a walk, and you know, you learn this in yoga too, the back and forth. I learned this in, um, uh, what, what is it called? I did this whole thing, remember that modeling I did? Where I modeled for these doctors that were working with muscles and the fascia?
[00:03:19] Fawn: Rolfing? Rolfing. So yoga totally screwed me up. And they had to teach me how to walk again. And there's something about the right left, right left. When you walk and you swing your arms, it, it rewires your brain like you were saying before. And you're gonna talk about this today.
[00:03:36] Fawn: But that's why this example of a parent and a teenager walking is a great example for friendship. If you're having to overcome hurdles, right? 
[00:03:48] MATT: Right. Right. And, and to be more specific, I tend to go for walks, short walks every single day. We were very blessed in that where we're living right now, there's a really [00:04:00] cool spot to take a walk to.
[00:04:01] MATT: And, even though I've walked there now 200 times, 300 times, I don't know. It doesn't suck. It always doesn't suck. 
[00:04:11] Fawn: And notice the kids will jump at going with you. Like, I wanna go. Yep. It's just a 10, sometimes 5 minute thing, right? Sometimes, yeah. 
[00:04:19] MATT: Yeah. And all seasons and all reasons, yes, absolutely. And why?
[00:04:24] MATT: I mean, there's a variety of reasons for it, and I was thinking about it, and do you remember back, harking back to, uh, high school? There was always a passing period between classes. And that passing period kind of gave your brain the opportunity to hit the big reset button. Because when I was in college, we would have hour and 45 minute classes and those were insane
[00:04:48] MATT: frankly. The hour and 10 minute classes were fine. The hour and 45 minute classes were not. We always got a break in the middle and , I'd always stand up and do something, but it wasn't necessarily long enough, but it [00:05:00] gives your brain again, that opportunity to hit reset. We're not built to sit.
[00:05:06] Fawn: Right. Is this kind of like the rebooting of the computer? Have you tried turning it on? Have you tried turning it off and on again? 
[00:05:15] MATT: In many ways, yes, absolutely. There's something called cerebral blood flow. And that just means blood rushing, blood going in your head. Blood circulating through your head.
[00:05:26] MATT: Not a big deal. But as it turns out, when you get up and take a walk, because again, we're not bred to sit all day. , that's not evolutionarily speaking where we come from. We come from, if you really start thinking about it, once upon a time. Our ancestors took a stroll from somewhere in Africa, all the way to the tip of South America.
[00:05:50] MATT: I mean, different, obviously different tribes did it, and over generations, but we were, we were built to walk. I mean, we were built to travel. We were built to, [00:06:00] yes, walk. And so, sitting still, sedentary isn't good for us. 
[00:06:05] Fawn: So there's less connection, both physically , and geographically, I mean, I guess they're both physical, but geographic separation and emotional separation that can be fused together by walking again.
[00:06:20] MATT: Yes. Yeah, and studies have shown, that walking, even for ten minutes, But certainly more is better up to up to that magical we're supposed to get 30 minutes a day, right? But walking absolutely showed lower anxiety in people. Hmm increased moods increased creativity Yeah increased concentration 
[00:06:45] Fawn: Yeah 
[00:06:47] MATT: increase Energy.
[00:06:50] MATT: Wow. That's a lot of good stuff. What I noticed for me personally is, I go for a walk and I come back and I'm refreshed. I'm [00:07:00] recharged. And I always just thought, oh, I'm just recharged. But it's more than that. It's, I can approach a problem in a different way or with more energy. 
[00:07:08] Fawn: And even better if there is nature around.
[00:07:10] Fawn: If we are lucky enough to have a tree. And there you go. Or two around. And there you go. Yeah, um, I've been studying the last few years with these authors and they specifically say, especially when you have writer's block, if you just go for a walk, the ideas will come to you. Always, when you walk. Go on a walk.
[00:07:32] Fawn: That's their go to. All of them say this.
[00:07:35] MATT: And then, we add a friend. And then you add a friend or even an acquaintance because again you're going to share an experience or as it was defined to me in a different way, shared rituals are a way to strengthen relationships. 
[00:07:51] Fawn: Well, we've always talked about that, rituals definitely very important.
[00:07:54] Fawn: I know, I always 
[00:07:55] MATT: think about shared experiences and a ritual is an experience, but a ritual all of a sudden now you're [00:08:00] putting maybe a schedule on it. 
[00:08:03] Fawn: Well, you're putting something magical on it, like, why are there the lighting of candles at a romantic dinner? You know, it's a ritual.
[00:08:11] Fawn: Like, our friends do it every night. They turn off the TV, the couple next door to us, they turn off the TV, and they have a candle lit dinner every night. You didn't know that about him, did you? 
[00:08:24] MATT: Oh my goodness, I'm gonna tease him about it tomorrow. 
[00:08:26] Fawn: No, please don't, Matt. Oh my god. This info is from the wives talking.
[00:08:35] Fawn: That's great though. But yeah, ritual is incredibly important 
[00:08:40] MATT: and, and being out in nature, whatever that nature is. If that nature is that nature could be other people. A pedestrian walkway, so like the. In Scottsdale. Right. It doesn't matter where you do it. There's always going to be some element of nature.
[00:08:53] MATT: There's always going to be a somebody walking a dog 
[00:08:55] Fawn: or a cyclist 
[00:08:57] MATT: going by. Can't people 
[00:08:58] Fawn: be nature? Like let's [00:09:00] say you just live in a very urban environment. Right. Like New York City. Going out and seeing other people. That is still part of nature. Yeah. Other people. 
[00:09:09] MATT: You're reminded of the human tribe. For sure.
[00:09:12] MATT: And, and if you go once again, if you go with someone. All of a sudden things like, as I said before, silences are okay because you're just walking and maybe you're not, but you're just, you know, you can ponder, you can do whatever you want to do, you can. practice your mindfulness. You can ask interesting questions, open ended questions that go nowhere.
[00:09:36] Fawn: If you think about it, it's one of the rare instances where silence is okay. Like the other time a silence is okay is if you go to a movie together, right? You're both experiencing something, you're both watching something. So if you're both walking. It's okay. I mean, why should you be talking?
[00:09:54] Fawn: It's okay not to talk so that you know that quote unquote [00:10:00] Awkward silence that sets in that people are afraid of. Mm hmm. It's very much okay here, right? I think everyone would say yeah, that's great. Yeah, exactly It's fine. 
[00:10:09] MATT: And then if you spot a strange looking bird or I mean, there's always something to see right, 
[00:10:16] Fawn: right 
[00:10:17] MATT: You know if you're paying attention And, and that's what, that's probably the biggest lesson I have learned going to the same place seems like almost every day for, you know, many, many days.
[00:10:28] MATT: There's always something to talk about. There's always something to see. There's always picking up a thread of a previous conversation. You can always ask an open ended question. The weather's always going to be different. And there's something always happening. There's so much built into it. 
[00:10:43] Fawn: Like, on this same walk, remember that, that day I spotted, that hornet's nest?
[00:10:49] Fawn: Was it a hornet? Yes. You know the, the crazy, not the bees, but the other one? It's gone now. It is? Yes, it is. It was insane. It was huge. We were like, whoa! 
[00:10:58] MATT: And it's just, we just didn't notice it before. [00:11:00] And, and, I think one of the key things, again, going back to the list of the things it does for you, it also relaxes your brain.
[00:11:10] MATT: And this allows you to form new connections. Which is an awesome thing, which, which is why it shows increased, , creativity, by the way. 
[00:11:19] Fawn: So, it would be great to schedule, like, a neighborhood walk. Like, if you could put up an announcement saying, let's walk together. Right. Like, find, find anyone to walk with.
[00:11:31] MATT: Yeah. Yeah, and and it could be a group different socioeconomic different different different because 
[00:11:38] Fawn: well I mean if you're from the same neighborhood chances are I know but 
[00:11:41] MATT: I'm saying everybody walks. Everybody knows about walking and There have been interesting studies that have shown that Your foot stores emotions and so exercising that can bring those out, too Which is pretty interesting.
[00:11:57] MATT: And where this all comes from is, and this is [00:12:00] unsubstantiated. Okay. So, so let's be careful, but it seems to make an interesting amount of sense to me. And what I read was somebody wrote the evolution of walking a whole book. And one of the takeaways from that book was. That, again, because we traveled from Africa all the way to the tip of South America over generations, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[00:12:20] MATT: We think best when we are walking at about three miles an hour. 
[00:12:25] Fawn: No, I disagree because for you, that's okay. For me, thinking best at three miles an hour, I'm running because I have really short legs. I'm like Hurting at three miles an hour for an over like a period of time. I can't sustain three miles an hour That's that's all that's fast for me So, excuse me.
[00:12:47] Fawn: I Beg to differ. I don't like the three mile an hour 
[00:12:49] MATT: anyways, but it certainly helps increase our cognition 
[00:12:53] Fawn: Good for you. Yay Three miles an hour So that's cool. All right. [00:13:00] So that's an easy thing. Hopefully easy. I mean, I, I did throw out my back. So like the thought of walking right now, I'm like, uh huh. 
[00:13:09] MATT: If, if you're having difficulties finding people to walk with, you can go on Meetup there.
[00:13:15] MATT: Oftentimes people host shared hikes. Meetup. com 
[00:13:20] Fawn: I don't know. I don't know how I feel about those at all. Because there's such inertia, you have to get over to meet some new people. And then there's that thought, awkwardness of like, introducing yourself, whatever. You know, I, think it's easier to ask a neighbor that you see maybe.
[00:13:39] Fawn: That is true. And then you want to go for a five minute walk with me. That is true. And that's what we've been doing around here and it, the answer is almost always, yes, let me go grab my shoes or let me go grab my coat, you know, but it's always a very excited, yeah, let's go. And most of the time I'm [00:14:00] like, oh man, I thought they, I was hoping they would say no, cause I don't feel like it, like I have to get, again, inertia, like I have to get over the thing of like, getting over my feeling like I'm in my studio all the time and if I take a break it's gonna be hard to get back into the rhythm.
[00:14:19] Fawn: Of what I was working on. Do you know what I'm saying? Right, 
[00:14:22] MATT: and, and I would say that's probably a good thing because you need to break up your rhythms. 
[00:14:27] Fawn: Yeah, you're right. But you literally have to drag me out there most of the time. And, and 
[00:14:32] MATT: I can't get in your studio. 
[00:14:34] Fawn: That's true, but, I have to get out of my shell, you know what I'm saying? I don't know, I found this also when I was working in corporate. Like, I did not want to take a break because it was so painful to go back to the grind. I would rather just put my head down and keep on going. So it's easier to put your head down and keep on going.
[00:14:58] Fawn: And think, [00:15:00] I don't really need to meet new people or hang out with anyone. Oh dear. You know, it's almost easier. And I'm just explaining that mindset that we all have. Mm hmm. You know, I'll just shamelessly admit it. I do that too. But to get over that hump, that inertia, once you do it, it feels great. It's like, it's like swimming.
[00:15:21] Fawn: You go into the water and you don't want to go because it's uncomfortable. The temperature is different. And it's, you know, to get over that you either have to jump in or, put your toe in and then splash some water on you and kind of get adjusted and eventually go in. It's just too painful.
[00:15:41] Fawn: But anyway, that's it, I think. Is that it, Matt? 
[00:15:45] MATT: Yes. 
[00:15:46] Fawn: That's our strategy for this week. 
[00:15:48] MATT: Take a stroll. 
[00:15:49] Fawn: Yeah. 
[00:15:49] MATT: Okay, sounds good. 
[00:15:52] Fawn: I always think someone's going to say something right back, even though right now it's just us. We love you! [00:16:00] Oh, have a beautiful every day everybody. 
[00:16:03] MATT: Be well. 
[00:16:04] Fawn: Oh, wait a minute. Ro 
[00:16:05] MATT: Ro. 
[00:16:06] Fawn: You guys, please spread the word about our podcast.
[00:16:09] Fawn: Subscribe. Tell people to subscribe. We know there are a lot of people listening, but are you subscribed? Subscribe. Love you. We're over here, anytime you need us. Talk to you soon. Have a beautiful everyday. 
[00:16:22] MATT: Buh bye.