Wasted Time - How Do We Enjoy Our Time Together?

Wasted Time - How Do We Enjoy Our Time Together?
[00:00:00] FAWN: Do you remember the term Stupid Rich? 
[00:00:04] MATT: I think I first heard of that term 
[00:00:05] FAWN: from you. Yeah, you did. Because my friend Robin, one day, I was like, I, you know what Robin, I wanna be really, really rich. And he's from the east coast and he's like, ah, you wanna be stupid rich? Oh Lord. And I thought about it. I'm like, yeah, I think I know what that means.
[00:00:26] FAWN: Stupid rich, like wanting to spend your money any way you want, being so free that you can just buy stupid, stupid. You are just stupid rich. It's so rich and abundant that it's stupid, and I actually don't know how they actually define it, but that's in my mind. I'm like, it's so good that it's stupid. 
[00:00:55] MATT: It's so good now that it's stupid.
[00:00:57] MATT: Is that like, it's bad, but that means it's good. I'm very confused. 
[00:01:01] FAWN: Like, you're so bad or fat, you know? I don't know. But anyway, I was out with coffee. I was out with my friend. I was out with coffee. I 
[00:01:13] MATT: was out with coffee, and also my friend. 
[00:01:17] FAWN: I was out with Joyce and we were talking, and at the end of our coffee date, quote unquote coffee date mm-hmm.
[00:01:22] FAWN: Going out with her friend. Mm-hmm. She said that was really nice. I feel so guilty. It was really nice. It's weird because I feel guilty when I do things that just feel good. That doesn't have like a big, huge purpose to it. We just went and hung out, no agenda, and sat there and just didn't care about time.
[00:01:47] FAWN: And at the end of it, we were both feeling so good and so high, and like, yay free. And then she brought up the fact that Uhoh, I feel a little guilty, but it was nice to do that. I just feel guilty about wasting time. Ah, yes. No. I don't know if she brought up the words wasting time, but it made me think about it.
[00:02:08] FAWN: I'm like, wow, going back to being stupid rich. Mm. We all have, we all have this. You,
[00:02:18] FAWN: you are the 100% owner of your life. I e your time. Mm-hmm. This is your time. Spend it, invest it, bend it, invest it, invest it how you wish, with whom you wish. Think about like, you know, if you have a lot of cash in your hands and you can just throw it up in the air. Right. Why can't we treat our lives like that?
[00:02:46] FAWN: Like this is my life. I wanna do what I wanna do. I'm going to spend it the way it should be spent. Our kids are walking upstairs. We're in the basement. Can you hear them? 
[00:03:00] MATT: Okay? But investment always makes it sound like you're supposed to get a return on your money. Well, 
[00:03:06] FAWN: that's why I'm saying invest.
[00:03:08] FAWN: That's why I'm purposely using the word invest because people are so freaked out about wasting time and I think. That it's wrong. I wanna waste some time. I wanna be so stupid rich that I wanna waste my time. And what does it mean to waste time? I mean, as a busy person who's trying to have the career and take care of kids and take care of you the husband.
[00:03:36] FAWN: Your partner. I shouldn't say husband. I'm not, I'm not like beholden to you. I'm not your slave, but do you know what I'm saying? I do there are all these responsibilities and everything. Now I totally lost track of what I was saying, but anyway, I'll, I'll just go on. It's just the guilt that we feel when we're not being quote unquote productive.
[00:03:58] FAWN: And what is that like? What does productive really mean? Who made up the term productive and who made up the definition of what is being productive in life? I remember, okay, so I went to school. Mm-hmm. Like you did in Southern California, but I was more north than you. More north, right? Yeah. Our school, our high school was really trying to pump up the students to go to these really high-end colleges, universities.
[00:04:33] FAWN: Right, right. Oh my God. I totally lost track of what I was saying again. Dope. Oh, here it is. Okay. So basically you're just running, running, running. You're on a treadmill, running, running, running, test after test, after test, competition after competition, no matter what you're doing. Mm-hmm. I felt it in photography too.
[00:04:51] FAWN: Ah, so I remember when I. I got myself into college, and you all know the story, like I had to pay for it myself. I had basically, the family disowned me, so I was out on my own, right? It was hard, especially in the United States, you guys like, whew, it. Healthcare and education is non-existent, so you really have to have a privileged background to have either one of those things, right?
[00:05:20] FAWN: I worked my tail off trying to have whatever I could with staying in the very high-end, expensive university type place I went to for photography. Mm-hmm. Until I couldn't do it anymore. So when I stopped to take a breath, it felt like I remember it to this day very clearly. The image in my head and the feeling of being trampled over by, what do you call, a bunch of bison?
[00:05:50] FAWN: A herd of buffalo. A herd of buffalo. I felt like all of a sudden I was running with everybody else. Mm-hmm. And as soon as I stopped, I got run over by everyone else; that I got left behind in the dust. And it was a very scary feeling. 
[00:06:07] MATT: Right? Right. 'cause you're really thinking about it as far as there's a limited amount of resources.
[00:06:14] FAWN: You don't know where to go. You are suddenly on your own. Right. 
[00:06:18] MATT: But you're also watching other people just retreat, not retreat, but go forward towards the horizon. 
[00:06:26] FAWN: Yeah. And you see them getting their accolades and they're doing so well. Then it gets, then they're so far away that you don't see anyone anymore and it's just you and you don't know what to do.
[00:06:38] FAWN: You're in this barren area, right? So where's your path? You have to carve your own path. And it's definitely not the way the whole hurd just ran. Right? Which is why you stopped. So anyway, going back to time and wasting it. How did I get on this tangent?
[00:07:01] MATT: I think you were gonna describe how you were in the hustle and bustle. 'cause you were basically, oh, productive. You woke up in the morning, you probably had your breakfast, then you went to class, then you had to go to your job. Then you had to do whatever homework you had and then rinse and 
[00:07:17] FAWN: repeat. Matt, I was on my own.
[00:07:19] FAWN: I didn't even have breakfast like I always tell you and the kids like, It took me being a mom to understand that proper nutrition, what role it plays in your success, in your mental attitude. I would just get up and go. I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't. Your stomach just growled. I wouldn't probably have anything until like three or 4:00 PM like constantly on the go.
[00:07:46] FAWN: Anyway, I brought this up because of productivity. Like what is that? Right? 
[00:07:51] MATT: That's where I was trying to draw us back to. So you're looking at everything in a very finite, limited, competitive kind of spirit. 
[00:08:01] FAWN: Let's look at the terms that are associated with wasting time. There's, let me see, let me look here.
[00:08:07] FAWN: Look, we have burn daylight.
[00:08:09] FAWN: Some of them, I'm not sure where they come from, so I don't know if they have a racist connotation, so I'm not gonna use those. Goof off, kill time, pass the time. And then there's also procrastination, which I have a theory about. I actually like procrastination. I respect it, and I'll tell you why in a second.
[00:08:29] FAWN: Don't let me forget, okay? Mm-hmm. But like, isn't it interesting? It's all about destroying, burning or not treating it seriously, like goofing off, killing time passing the time as opposed to spending it. You have a lot of cash. Be free with it. 
[00:08:47] MATT: Well, you spend time with people 
[00:08:49] FAWN: and that's what I was just gonna say is we're also so stingy with it that.
[00:08:53] FAWN: We don't have time to spend with friends. Well, we don't have energy to spend with friends. I'm just going to say we collectively like what we've noticed, which is why we're doing this podcast. Hopefully it's getting better now, but like think about how stingy we could be with our time being with someone that really needs to just have someone there to have your hand on their heart or on their back in their heart area.
[00:09:15] FAWN: Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Investing your time. Our friend Joyce took out our kid on a long bike ride, you know, and treated them to a vegan donut. It's the first time in our lives anyone has done that for our kid. For our kids. True When they came back, I was crying. She's like, are you okay? Were you worried?
[00:09:39] FAWN: I'm like, no. I'm just grateful. Thank you. For her to invest that time mm-hmm. To spend time with our kids, like one of her own. like they're one of their own. You know what I'm saying? 
[00:09:51] MATT: Yes. I I totally get it. But how does that take us back to wasting time and scarcity and. How 
[00:09:58] FAWN: everybody views it that way.
[00:09:59] FAWN: Opposite. I know, I'm looking at it the opposite way. We already know about the scarcity part, so I'm thinking let's get back to being stupid rich. Do we, 
[00:10:08] MATT: do we know 
[00:10:08] FAWN: about the scarcity? Well, everything takes time. You do. My God, if everyone is not dressed and shoes on at the door at precisely the time we said we were gonna go, you get so upset.
[00:10:22] FAWN: Because you're, in that scarcity mindset. 
[00:10:24] MATT: Whoa. It's not me being in the scarcity mindset at all's. You 
[00:10:28] FAWN: have to be on time. It's a whole different thing. You're losing time. We just lost two minutes if I interrupt you. No, you're like, I just lost 30, I lost 
[00:10:36] MATT: two minutes. That's what I said. You guys, you guys didn't lose anything.
[00:10:40] MATT: I 
[00:10:40] FAWN: lost. So scarcity mindset. You're not free with it. You are not with the flow. It has to be precise. On time. I'm, I'm sorry, were 
[00:10:50] MATT: we late to, uh, an appointment on Saturday? 
[00:10:52] FAWN: I forgot what we did on Saturday. Somebody had class, 
[00:10:55] MATT: so, exactly That's what I hear is so, 
[00:10:59] FAWN: no, I'm just saying so to be flippant 'cause I hate it when you're right.
[00:11:03] FAWN: We were actually on time, but just in the nick of things. Just in the nick, nick of time were, we were in the nick of that car. The time in the car is three minutes fast. By the way. I checked my watch. It was all right. It worked out. It worked out. It's okay. The amount of stress, we're like really getting off topic now 'cause now we're gonna get into a fight.
[00:11:25] FAWN: Matt has an issue with time and people being on time. Mm-hmm. Which I totally respect. I am on time most of the time. Don't give me that look. Oh my God. 
[00:11:35] MATT: Okay, Matt. Seriously, but 
[00:11:36] FAWN: for the sake of peace. Oh hell no. Matt, stop it. Oh my God. Lemme channel my inner, nevermind. Just, you know what? Forget it, Matt. Now I'm getting really pissed off.
[00:11:47] FAWN: I respect it, and I'm usually on time everywhere I go. Yet I'm the one who has to make sure all the meals are ready, even though I'm the one running around to. Taking the kids to the pediatrician, to the dentist, to school stuff, to swim classes, to music lessons at night after I cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner and clean the house and mow the lawn and try to get my career going and send out all the emails.
[00:12:11] FAWN: I mean, that's just like I have a million things that I'm doing and I'm on time 99% of the time. I don't appreciate this. Take it back. I. Okay. Love is winning. 
[00:12:23] MATT: Love is hopefully winning 
[00:12:25] FAWN: God. So anyway, going back let's think of examples where something is truly a waste of time.
[00:12:33] FAWN: 'cause I was thinking, I for sure don't think spending time with your friends is a waste of time. Like how our friend Joyce was like, oh, you know, It was nice to just waste time like that. But she didn't say it like that. I don't remember what words she used.
[00:12:46] FAWN: Mm-hmm. But that's what she meant. Right. You know, like it wasn't that we were doing something that was so productive. ' cause she's a go-getter. 
[00:12:53] MATT: She is a go-getter. And you'll, you bear in mind that she wanted to go there so she could take pictures to give to 
[00:12:59] FAWN: her son. No, I'm talking about when Joyce and I were up for coffee.
[00:13:03] FAWN: Oh, okay. Yes. Okay, so then I started to think, well, let me think of things that are truly a waste of time. So overthinking, spending your time overthinking something, ugh, waste of time worrying, which is what I do 24 7, but it is a waste of time. It is ridiculous. To worry is a waste of time engaging in pointless arguments.
[00:13:30] FAWN: Waste of energy and time? Well, if it's 
[00:13:35] MATT: truly pointless,
[00:13:36] FAWN: I can't think of very many arguments that are, 
[00:13:40] MATT: um, you may just be tilting the needle one way or another, 
[00:13:44] FAWN: but it's not up to me, and that's all that happens. It's not up to me. It's not up to anyone to really tilt the needle either the person is ready to be tilted or not tilted. Just through your living example, they'll get tilted or you'll get tilted.
[00:13:56] FAWN: It's not that you have to argue your way in. It's not, I don't think that's how it works. Sometimes it's 
[00:14:00] MATT: important to challenge, 
[00:14:02] FAWN: well, that's not my job. I'm not into it. End question. Let's see, what else? Lots of multitasking. Oh my God. I think that's a total waste of time, which is interesting because that's what a lot of companies, most companies, I don't know how it is in other countries anymore, but.
[00:14:17] FAWN: In America, you are revered if you're a great multitasker, which to me is a waste of time because you're never really fully invested in one thing. You're scattered in so many different directions that you're not even present here in this time. You're just dissipating everything. So I think that's a waste of 
[00:14:37] MATT: time.
[00:14:37] MATT: I would say that there are certain roles at a company. That praise the scatteredness, but where I'm at, it's all about the flow state. It's all about maintaining and keeping yourself in the flow 
[00:14:49] FAWN: state. But what if the flow is constantly doing 10 things at the same time? It's still a flow. What does flow mean?
[00:14:56] MATT: Flow is where you're not distracted and you're focused solely on the task at hand. And a flow state can be meditation. And a flow state can be working out and a flow state can be writing computer 
[00:15:11] FAWN: programs.
[00:15:11] FAWN: Okay, so you guys don't do multitasking. 
[00:15:15] MATT: There are points in time where multitasking is important but most of the time, no. Usually that centers around a given role of somebody who enjoys that aspect of things. But yeah, you completely lose productivity, we call it context shifting. I can tell 
[00:15:33] FAWN: you, I'll just use a small example of cooking when I'm multitasking too many things
[00:15:37] FAWN: mm-hmm. While I'm cooking, it doesn't taste good. Or I'll burn something at some point. But anyway, another thing I looked up was, what people believe to be a waste of time is procrastination, which is one I wanted to talk about. Mm-hmm. I don't think this is a waste of time. I'll just speak for myself.
[00:15:54] FAWN: If I've noticed myself procrastinating, it tells me I really don't wanna do something, or I'm not ready for that in my life at that moment or 
[00:16:04] MATT: in my world. I haven't quite figured out how I'm gonna make it happen. 
[00:16:08] FAWN: So as soon as we acknowledge that and respect that, then we can say, okay, I'm not gonna do it right now.
[00:16:14] FAWN: It's just showing you what you should be doing right. Or what you don't wanna be doing. 
[00:16:18] MATT: Right. Or I'm gonna take a baby step towards it, but that 
[00:16:23] FAWN: isn't it. So I don't think of that as a waste of 
[00:16:25] MATT: time. Right. Yeah, I completely understand that. There are points in time where you can push through, but those by and large aren't.
[00:16:34] MATT: If it's something that you're uncomfortable doing or don't wanna do at a given moment to odds are you won't do it as well. 
[00:16:40] FAWN: So what wild thing can you think of, like being stupid rich with time? What does that look like for you? For me, right now, a nap.
[00:16:52] MATT: HAYO!
[00:16:53] FAWN: I haven't had a good sleep in years. If you follow our podcast, I'm constantly going on vapors of sleep, major insomnia, and when I do wanna sleep, something crazy is happening with the kids.
[00:17:08] FAWN: So I'm up all night. Thank you.
[00:17:10] FAWN: So anyway, I'm sorry, what did you say? Now what? What, what wild thing would you do? Like your stupid rich with your time? Stupid Rich With 
[00:17:20] MATT: my time, I would probably, hmm, I'd probably get very familiar with finding the best pipeline spot. As far as like when the wind comes up and comes down 'cause there could be a lot of consistency with that, particularly if you happen to be close to the coast and figure out exactly when the best times are to fly kits and fly.
[00:17:43] FAWN: Cool 
[00:17:43] MATT: meditative. Well, not the way I fly kits. It's not meditative. Ah, 
[00:17:48] FAWN: Matt has gloves in everything. He can lose fingers. It's like some 
[00:17:55] MATT: serious, I've been pulled by my kite. 
[00:17:57] FAWN: Alright. For me, I can't even tell you besides a nap, what I would wanna do. I can't think beyond the nap. I would like to travel and just go somewhere and sit down.
[00:18:07] FAWN: I used to, oh man, when I had so much time, I would go and watch people. Like one of my favorite places in the world was the airport. I was obsessed with airports and beautiful train stations. Mm-hmm. Coffee shops, places where people intersected because they were always going from point A to point B.
[00:18:28] FAWN: Right. It was like a neutral point. Mm-hmm. And I found it to be very spiritual, like be beautiful because it was the only place where people truly connected. And there was more freedom in that space, and there was not the regular sense of time that constraints people. Like there was an in-between; it's like a bardo, like you can make anything happen in that state.
[00:18:51] FAWN: You can go anywhere you choose, you can reroute your whole life. And I loved going to the airport, especially the inter, this is before things got really strict before nine 11, but I would go to the international airport section. Mm-hmm. By myself, a cup of tea, and just sit there and watch people.
[00:19:13] FAWN: This is way before, this is way before the movie "Love Actually". You know how the opening sequence is people meeting each other at the airport and hugging, right? Right. That's what I would be doing. So when that movie came out, I was like, oh my gosh, 
[00:19:28] MATT: somebody's spying on me. 
[00:19:30] FAWN: Yeah. Matt and I always think people are spying on us because we'll have intimate conversations at home.
[00:19:36] FAWN: Like things that we just came up with, and then we'll totally riff on them and months later or a few years later, it'll be on tv. It's really funny. So anyway, think about your time. It is your life and honestly you have the 
[00:19:51] MATT: currency. I think when we're talking about stupid time, I mean, don't, don't, stupid rich, stupid rich rather, , we're not talking about.
[00:20:00] MATT: Spending it on the computer we're talking about more or less, I mean certainly for me, and I think for you, but creating new memories, connecting new neurons in your brain, if you will. You can do that on the 
[00:20:14] FAWN: computer. 
[00:20:14] MATT: You can, but we're talking, we're not talking about doing that there. Mm-hmm. We're talking very much about disconnecting and coming up with new memories, which is a very, very interesting subject to me.
[00:20:25] MATT: 'cause I've been thinking about stillness 
[00:20:28] FAWN: lately. Yeah. When I brought up the whole issue of wasting time, you are like, oh yeah. Being still, I'm like, that's interesting. Why would you take it to stillness? Like for I, to me, well, watching paint 
[00:20:40] MATT: dry 
[00:20:40] FAWN: is another way of, well, and I thought, why would you associate wasting time with being still, like being still is a waste of time.
[00:20:47] FAWN: Like you have to keep moving. Is that what you were thinking? 
[00:20:49] MATT: Watching the grass grow, it's another euphemism. Mm-hmm. 
[00:20:53] FAWN: So you think that most people would think that that's wasting time? It can be, yeah. Because what? Because once again, it's not productive. You're not 
[00:21:01] MATT: checking things off your to-do list.
[00:21:02] MATT: Mm-hmm. 
[00:21:03] FAWN: Mm-hmm. What I just said. Mm-hmm. I'm agreeing with you anyway. Alright. I, I think I just wanna leave it off there because this totally goes to friendship. How generous are we with our lives? Being fully present is a big deal. Devoting ourselves, i e, our time to one another, our attention, being in a state of stillness can create a moment where you feel more powerful, mm-hmm. And in that moment, time expands for you,
[00:21:35] FAWN:  let's harness that let's live richly. And I think 
that's, 
[00:21:39] MATT: and create wonderful 
[00:21:40] FAWN: memories and beautiful bonds. 'cause you can have memories. True. That you can have memories by yourself. True. And what I'm trying to get to is the art of friendship devoting some of that money. Like, here you go. Here's some cash.
[00:21:54] FAWN: Let's spend it together. Right? Currency. Mm-hmm. Emotional, fun currency like stupid fun, right? Anyway, that's it for me.
[00:22:04] MATT: Yeah. I'm reminded of, once upon a time I actually. It is a deliciousness to be to walking through a place and having money in your hand that you know you're gonna spend there and it's all fun stuff for sure. So trying to recapture that feeling. I won like $50 when I went to a gaming convention once upon a time, but it was all in dealer dollars and you had to spend on the floor and I was like, Ooh, what am I gonna buy?
[00:22:31] MATT: It was a really wonderful feeling, 
[00:22:33] FAWN: you know, we don't use cash anymore. Not as much, but. To this day, I like to get a few bills in my hand grasp them the long way up and down and hold them with my fist and walk around town, like holding a fist full of cash like that, like when we go to the farmer's market.
[00:22:51] FAWN: Mm-hmm. If you notice, I'll do that. Mm-hmm. It is just so much fun. Nice. I love it. Huh. Yeah. I don't know. It makes me think, it actually inspires me as low energy as I am today from a, like a dramatic night with the kids last night. I feel inspired. I'm like, okay, let's live our best lives. We have the currency.
[00:23:18] FAWN: We are alive. As long as we're alive, we have the currency. Let's go do it. Sounds good. All right. Well, let us know what you are up to. Thank you for listening. We love you. Talk to you in just a few days. Be well. Oh, wait a minute, uhoh, wait a minute. I have to tell you guys. So I, even though I design the websites and everything, you know, 'cause I'm always multitasking and I'm doing so many things.
[00:23:44] FAWN: Sometimes I don't realize what I've created until months later. Did you know, did you know if you go to our website, we have several websites, but the one our friendly world podcast.com one, there's a little microphone, uh, what do you call it? Icon Button. Button. If you click on that, you can leave us a voicemail.
[00:24:04] FAWN: You don't need to download anything like 
[00:24:06] MATT: a voice message. Like, Hey, it's 
[00:24:08] FAWN: how you doing? I was just on my phone and I went on the website. I'm like, mm-hmm. Huh? What's this button for? Let me just, I, I think I accidentally pressed the microphone button and we were all watching a movie. So the kids were there.
[00:24:20] FAWN: You were there. It recorded the whole interaction in the living room while I was sending myself a positive message. Well, you were multitasking, like, good job Fawn on the podcast. Talk to you later. All right guys. Thanks for listening. Talk to you later. Bye.